


How to dig your own grave

by Yamaharmonica



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Abusive Parents, Abusive Relationships, Gakuhou Asano's A+ parenting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kinda, Love Triangles, M/M, Morally Ambiguous Character, Multi, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:28:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23599879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamaharmonica/pseuds/Yamaharmonica
Summary: (AU)Nagisa and Gakushuu are high school seniors who both have difficult home lives. With nobody else they can turn to, they both ended up finding some sort of solace in each other. Nagisa knows the relationship they've built together isn't healthy, but sometimes it seems like being with Gakushuu is the only thing in life that makes him  happy. However, the arrival of Karma Akabane, a transfer student with a dangerous reputation, changes everything.
Relationships: Akabane Karma/Shiota Nagisa, Asano Gakushuu/Shiota Nagisa
Comments: 28
Kudos: 192





	1. Chapter 1

_**L'appel du vide** \- **The call of the void**_ _. When you are standing on the balcony of a tall building, looking down at the ground and on some track your brain says "what would it feel like to jump". When you are holding a kitchen knife thinking, "I wonder if this is sharp enough to cut myself with. Uncontrollable Self destructive impulses"_.

Senior year of high school is always complicated. Not only do you have exams to study for you also have the daunting prospect of needing to decide what to do with your life once you leave the predictable cocoon of school. It's unfair, really, to foist such a large decision so suddenly, to cram kids in a school for their entire life, then force them to make a decision about their role in the 'real world' as soon as they hit 18. Nagisa Shiota, however, unlike most seniors did not have to think about this choice. Or more accurately, he didn't have a choice; His mother had decided that he'd go to Kansai university and study architecture, because that was what she always wanted to do. Of course, Nagisa could defy her, but if he went anywhere else, she'd cut him off financially and kick him out the house. With extortionate housing fees these days, there's no way Nagisa could be independent (His mother made sure he never saved up enough to even contemplate it). Besides. There was nothing else Nagisa even wanted to do. He often felt as if he had no will of his own, he was just a puppet. Puppets don't have dreams for the future so he might as well just do as his mother said.

If he told Gakushuu this, then Gakushuu would probably tell Nagisa that he was a hopeless pushover and was weak-willed with no backbone. But Nagisa had a sneaking suspicion that those traits were exactly what Gakushuu liked about Nagisa. No, _Like_ is the wrong word; Because Nagisa was a weak-willed hopeless pushover, Gakushuu found him convenient to use.

Nagisa was nothing to Gakushuu until he was everything. Gakushuu could go days, or even weeks not acknowledging Nagisa as anything other than another student at the school, part of the faceless masses. Gakushuu was, of course in all the advanced classes, so Nagisa would only see him if he gave a speech in assembly or there was some sort of sports tournament. At those times, Gakushuu was the perfect honor student, the charismatic leader never without a smile and full of motivational words that everyone admired. Very different from the Gakushuu Nagisa knew. Sometimes Gakushuu's streak of ignoring Nagisa would go on for so long that Nagisa would begin to think Gakushuu really had given him up.

But then he'd get a text. It never said much. Just when and where. It was never a question either, always a statement. Gakushuu knew Nagisa would come. And he was right every time. The location was almost always the student council office and the time was always after hours. Sometimes Nagisa contemplated not going, he _knew_ that Gakushuu didn't care about him, he _knew_ Gakushuu just saw him as something he could use when he was bored or frustrated. But Nagisa _always_ went. He tried to rationalise that he was just using Gakushuu too (being able to sleep with a hot guy isn't so bad, right)? But in Nagisa's heart he knew, he _knew_ that it was more than that.

Those few moments were Gakushuu was kissing him and touching him were heaven. The few seconds were Gakushuu looked at Nagisa like he needed him was enough to make Nagisa's heart melt and mind race. Gakushuu was an asshole, but Nagisa couldn't help but be drawn to him (Perhaps it was because, no matter how one-sided it was, Gakushuu was the only one who showed Nagisa any attention). Nagisa's favourite part about their trysts was after the sex had finished, and Gakushuu would lie with Nagisa in his arms even if it was a little uncomfortably on a carpeted floor. _That_ was the only time Nagisa thought Gakushuu seemed the most affectionate _"You're so beautiful._ " He'd whisper. Those few minutes before Gakushuu pushed him off to the school showers were bliss.

Gakushuu had some very strict rules. The most obvious ones; _Keep it subtle, don't call me 'Gakushuu' when there's other people around, DO NOT tell anyone else_. Then other ones; _Don't sleep with anyone else while we're involved, Don't text me unless its an emergency, wait for me to text you_ and strangest of all _I make all the moves. Don't initiate any touching. Do Not kiss me._

The last rule proved difficult at times for Nagisa. He broke it once right at the beginning of the relationship by daring to kiss the other on the neck. He'd never seen Gakushuu so furious. He looked as though he wanted to slap Nagisa, and after that didn't contact him again for over a month. Needless to say, Nagisa never tried to do that again; Gakushuu had some serious control issues. He was rough as well, Nagisa always ended up with new bruises after their meetings. But he rather liked that; The darkened patches of skin served as a souvenir of his experience, a reminder of the evening. Proof of what he had done. Whenever he was ignored by Gakushuu at school, Nagisa would press down on the bruises on his wrist to remind himself of how much attention he had been receiving a few nights ago.

The thing that bothered Nagisa the most about his relationship with Gakushuu however, was knowing how disposable and replaceable he was. He knew Gakushuu had _others_ he was seeing. Nagisa knew because he occasionally saw love bites on Gakushuu's body. Never on the neck though. It filled Nagisa with hopelessness and jealousy. He wasn't even aloud to kiss Gakushuu on the cheek, but there was someone else marking him. Nagisa wanted to ask who it was, wanted to demand Gakushuu be exclusive as Nagisa was, but he knew Gakushuu had all the control. _If you don't like it, then lets break it off._ He would say. Just imagining those words broke Nagisa's heart.

Nagisa often wondered why Gakushuu bothered with him at all (surely he could get anyone he wanted). Then, he was forced to realise that he knew very little about who Gakushuu actually was. Of course, he knew superficial things; He was the Chairman's son, he was the student council president, he was rich, he was consistently the highest scorer in the school, he was involved in an endless amount of extra curricular activities from sports to music, he worked hard- probably too hard. But although they'd been intimate many times, Nagisa still struggled to work out Gakushuu's motivations (which was strange because normally he was good at that). All he really knew was that Gakushuu had a lot of anger, and he took it out on Nagisa. And Nagisa let him.

Nagisa wasn't stupid. Or at least, he wasn't completely stupid. He knew he was being used, he knew his relationship with Gakuhsuu was pointless at best, damaging at worse. He knew being involved in an arrangement that made himself this miserable was self-destructive. But he just couldn't stop.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa meets the new transfer student.

_**Altschmerz: weariness with the same old issues that you've always had—the same boring flaws and anxieties you've been gnawing on for years, which leaves them soggy and tasteless and inert, with nothing interesting left to think about, nothing left to do but spit them out and wander off to the backyard, ready to dig up some fresher pain you might have buried long ago.** _

Kunugigaoka is probably the last high school within travelling distance of Karma's house that he hasn't been kicked out of yet, so this really is his last chance. Karma has to be good and not get excluded for five more months if he wants to make it to graduation, something he's not entirely sure he can do, because judging by the amount of assholes in this school, keeping out of fights would be hard. Well, what would one expect from a school were Asano Gakuho was the Chairman. If this wasn't the last resort, Karma would of refused to have attended.

Karma had an impressive school record in more ways than one; On the one hand, he had excellent grades for all the tests he showed up for, placing him in the top ten highest scoring kids in the year at his old school (and that was without studying), on the other hand, he'd been excluded from five schools since he was six years old for a mixture of truancy, fighting, answering back to teachers and playing pranks. What could he say? When he got bored or mad he got into trouble.

Karma thought school was stupid anyway, almost everything they taught here was easy, and what was the point? People work their asses of in school to get into a good university, were they work their asses off to get a degree only to find they can't get a job and now they have crippling student debt. Karma swore to himself he wouldn't fall into that trap- He was smart enough to cheat the system and get success without following the normie route.

BUT, his grandma would love to see him graduate, so he decided to at least make a final attempt at high school. Karma decided that the best way to make it through school without getting into fights was just to ignore people as much as possible, because people are the route of all evil. His plan was going well, until he met Nagisa.

"For this assignment, you can pick your own pairs." The science teacher said. This is a good thing for people who _have_ friends. But it strikes dread into the heart of loners. Pretty soon, everyone would pair up, and the loners in class would be shamefully revealed and put on display. In the end the only people left were Karma and Nagisa. Karma had seen Nagisa before in class, but he hadn't paid much attention to him. He was so small and meek it was easy to overlook him. Karma was a suspicious person who was constantly on the look out for enemies, but Nagisa appeared so harmless he didn't even register.

"So, it seems as though us two loners are working together. My name's Karma Akabane by the way." Karma said, taking the initiative and dragging his chair over to Nagisa's table. The small boy looked up at him.

"Oh, I know." He said reflexively, then blushed. "I- I- mean I've heard about you- other people- "

Karma couldn't help but snicker watching Nagisa's embarrassed reaction. "I see my reputation precedes me." Karma said. He supposed the kids in this school had already heard about how he'd put someone in the hospital in his last school. Karma sort of just wanted to be unnoticed so others would leave him be, but he seemed to have the ability to forge out a reputation no matter were he went. Karma wasn't made to lurk in the background no matter how much he wants to. After all, the background is safer. He was sort of jealous of guys like Nagisa.

"I may of heard a few things- Anyway, My name's Nagisa Shiota. Just call me Nagisa" Nagisa said, happy to change the subject. Karma looked at him properly. He was small, couldn't be much taller than 5', and he had a slight frame to boot. He had large blue eyes, and long blue hair tied in a pony tail down his back. Truth be told, if it wasn't for the uniform Karma would of assumed he was a girl, and a pretty one at that. Even Nagisa's voice hadn't broken yet adding to the illusion of femininity.

"Just to confirm- you are really a boy, right?" Karma asked. For the second time in the short interaction, Nagisa blushed.

"Yes! I am a boy!" He huffed, his cheeks tinged red. But even in anger, he still seemed harmless. Karma quite liked people like this. People he could feel safe around and tease.

"Just checking; It's hard for me to tell.. Can you blame me?" Karma said with a mischeviuos chuckle. "Anyway, what was this work we were supposed to be doing again? I was taking a nap while the teacher was talking."

"Seriously? How do you get such good grades!? Not that I'm keeping track or anything.."

* * *

After their first proper meeting, Karma's interest in Nagisa increased. Of course, Karma wasn't the type of person to go out of his way to befriend someone, and he didn't mind being on his own. But if their class was ever doing group work, he'd pair up with Nagisa, and if Karrma was buying lunch from the school cafeteria he;d sit with him. Slowly, from this, a friendship built up.

Nagisa was in awe of Karma's confidence and his academic abilities. Karma would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy the admiration, and Nagisa was easy to be friends with; He wasn't threatened by Karma, he wasn't demanding, he wasn't too loud or annoying, and he almost always did pretty much what Karma said. Nagisa was such a weak-willed guy, Karma couldn't help but feel a little protective. Plus, they both liked the Sonic Ninja comics which was a bonus.

"So, I was wondering; why didn't you have any friends?" Karma asked casually one time when they were walking to the train station together. Nagisa's turned to look at him.

"That's kind of a tactless question." Nagisa said. He didn't like to be reminded he was a loner. "I used to have two best friends all through school; Sugino and Kayano. But Sugino's family moved, and Kayano got a big acting role she couldn't refuse so she's working on that and just taking lessons online. You might of heard of her- her stage name is Haruna Mase."

Karma's eyes widened. "You're friends with Haruna Mase?" He said in disbelief. "She's been in sitcoms and drama series since she was little. She plays the teenage daughter in that series 'Familyx4'.. She's a voice actress on that new anime.. and she's set to have a main role in the upcoming 'sonic ninja' movie!"

"wow, you sure know a lot about films and TV shows, Karma." Nagisa smiled.

"I watch a lot of daytime TV when I'm suspended from school." Karma admitted. "Can you get me her autograph? I bet I could sell it for a nice profit."

"And here I thought you were a real fan of hers." Nagisa laughed. "What about you? Why did you get kicked out of your last school. I mean. I've heard the rumors but I want to here it from you."

"The rumors are mostly accurate." Karma admitted. Normally being asked this stuff would piss him off, or put him on edge, but he had none of these feelings with Nagisa. In fact, it felt nice to have someone show an interest. "This asshole was bullying a kid with autism in the year below us. I told him to stop. He didn't. I _made_ him stop by breaking a few bones, so I got excluded. The asshole was one of the smartest kids in the year though, and a real teacher's pet, so nobody cared he was bullying. Teachers are all such hypocritical morons."

"The rumors left out the part about you saving a bullying victim." Nagisa said with a smile. "Maybe you're sweeter than you seem."

"Sweetness and light, that's me." Karma replied.

Nagisa laughed, a carefree expression on his face. Suddenly, the sound of beeping pierced the air. Nagisa had a text. He reached into his pocket and read it, and his expression changed instantly. What type of expression was that? Karma couldn't quite place it.. But suddenly Nagisa's thoughts were clearly far away from his conversation with Karma.

"Whats up?" Karma asked, curious.

"I have to go- " Nagisa said, already shoving his phone back in his pocket. Even as he spoke to Karma, he sounded a million miles away. "I've suddenly remembered.. I left something at school. See you tomorrow, Karma.."

"Are you sure this isn't to do with the text you got just then?" Karma asked, raising an eyebrow. But Nagisa was already out of earshot, he was surprisingly quick when he wanted to be. _Just what's going on? He's going back to school because he got that text, no doubt about it. But what's it all about. Maybe a girl wants to meet up with him- No. He isn't the type. Knowing Nagisa, someone is trying to extort money out of him. Maybe they have blackmail on him. Maybe they want to beat him up... He's such a hopeless pushover he's the perfect target for bullies. Damnit, Nagisa._

Before he even thought about it, Karma had took off, walking back to the school so fast his was verging on running. He couldn't shake the feeling that Nagisa was in some sort of trouble!

* * *

Nagisa tried to even his breathing before he entered the student council room to disguise the fact he'd practically ran over here to make it as fast as he could. He didn't want Gakushuu to think he was too desperate, although, it may be too late for that. After a second or two, Nagisa pushed the door open and let himself in.

Gakushuu was sat on his usual chair, his laptop open and his eyes fixed to the screen. He didn't even look up when Nagisa walked in, just said. "You forgot to knock."

No ' _Sorry for the short notice_ ', no ' _How are you, Nagisa_ ', not even a ' _Hello_ '. Nagisa felt a strike of annoyance at his attitude (Karma's never like this). All Nagisa could do was mutter a bashful "Sorry." Then stand there awkwardly in the middle of the room waiting for Gakushuu to acknowledge him again. Gakushuu had been the one to call him here, yet he somehow had the ability to make Nagisa feel as though _he_ was the pest. Nagisa had a sneaking suspicion that this was a power-play on Gakushuu's part, making Nagisa feel uncomfortable to exert his dominance or some shit.

But Gakushuu was beautiful though, even when he was doing something mundane like typing on a computer. The sunset was filtering in through the window, capturing Gakushuu in it's light. A few seconds that felt like an eternity passed, and Gakushuu _finally_ looked at Nagisa. Nagisa almost gulped. He could tell by the look in Gakushuu's eyes that he was _not_ in a good mood today, and he was about to take all those frustrations out on Nagisa. Sometimes when Gakushuu is in a lighter mood he'll want to talk, he'll be gentle. Today would not be one of those times.

Gakushuu didn't even say anything. He just pushed his chair back and stomped over to Nagisa, grabbing him by the tie with such force Nagisa was sure it was going to rip. Before Nagisa even had a chance to respond he felt his hair being grabbed and suddenly he was pushed up against the wall. _And so it began again._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter.

_**Pâro: The feeling that no matter what you do is always somehow wrong—that any attempt to make your way comfortably through the world will only end up crossing some invisible taboo—as if there's some obvious way forward that everybody else can see but you.** _

Karma ran back the the school at lightening speeds. He may spend a lot of time napping and watching TV, but Karma had been blessed with natural athleticism and had always been able to run incredibly fast (And fight with incredibly strength). The school looked so different of an evening once all the students had left; There was something sinister about seeing this building so desolate when Karma was used to see it swarming with pupils.

Wasting no time, Karma began to look for Nagisa, starting with the obvious places for bullies to extort money (around the back of the school, around the back of the supply cupboard shed, around the back of the archery wing- there was a theme emerging here). But Nagisa was nowhere to be found. The school was completely deserted. Maybe Karma's assumption had been wrong; Maybe he had misinterpreted the situation.. Maybe Nagisa really _had_ just forgotten something back at the school and had ran back to retrieve it.

 _But no._. Karma remembered Nagisa's expression when he got the text. The look in his eyes were shocked. it was clearly something significant, something he'd lied about. _Karma, you promised yourself you'd keep your distance and not get involved with other people's issues. You ALWAYS get yourself into trouble if you try to resolve conflicts_ His logical side was screaming. Karma knew that the best thing he could do for himself now was just accept Nagisa's lie, go home and forget the whole thing. However, his heart wouldn't let him; He kept visualizing Nagisa in pain, Nagisa in trouble. Nagisa crying as someone hurt him.. Nagisa was just so small and helpless, Karma couldn't stand the thought of someone taking advantage of that.

_Be smart Karma. Just go home. You're always so paranoid and suspicious about everything. Not every situation has some sort of bad explanation. Stop thinking the worst._

Karma ignored the voice, and attempted to pull open the door to the main building.. it was a long-shot but maybe it was still open. Some students must still be in here, Karma realised- he wasn't sure who though. Clubs weren't open this week to prep for exams. Cautiously, aware of the security cameras just outside, Karma stepped into the building. ( _Well, it's not like I'm breaking the rules or anything- I think_ )

_I'll just quickly look around. If Nagisa isn't here I'll go home. I wont meddle any further. I'll ask him about it tomorrow._

Karma walked along the corridor, listening intently for any sign of life, specifically trying to hear sounds of a fight, or cries of pain (Okay, maybe he was a little paranoid). Karma was just about to turn back, convinced the school was devoid of life when suddenly he heard a cry. _Nagisa!_ was his first thought. That sounded like the cry of someone in pain. Forgetting his doubts, Karma headed towards the source of the noise.

* * *

Nagisa gripped the front of the desk so hard his knuckles were turning white. This hurt like hell, but it felt _so_ good. Gakushuu had a tight, almost bruising grip on him, and Nagisa couldn't help but let out a cry when Gakushuu grabbed a fist full of blue hair. That earned him another tug, and Gakushuu's other hand covered his mouth.

 _"Shut up."_ Gakushuu hissed. Yep. He definitely wasn't in a good mood. There would certainly be no sweet words and no gentleness today. Part of it made Nagisa scared, but another part of him loved it.. when Gakushuu was like this, his anger overtook everything. Nagisa was so overwhelmed with pain and pleasure that he didn't have to think about his own worries. For a few moments he could just _Be. It was ecstasy and torture all at once._

Then suddenly, the sound of someone turning the handle on the door reverberated around the room. Nagisa felt a sick jolt of dread _Oh shit, Oh shit, Oh shit, someone is going to come in and see me. See us. Shit shit shit._ He felt Gakushuu freeze suddenly behind him and hear a sharp intake of breath. But luckily, Gakushuu had locked the door. The intruder, whoever it was, couldn't get in.

 _Should we just ignore them? But they heard us, they know we're in here. What if it's a teacher.. we could get in trouble for ignoring them._ These thoughts raced through Nagisa's mind in the space of a split second, and he was sure Gakushuu was thinking the exact same things. Nagisa felt Gakushuu pull away from him, and he had to bite his lip from crying out in pain.

Nagisa turned around, his heart now hammering for a completely different reason- _If someone found out about me and Gakushuu then everything would be in jeopardy._ Gakushuu picked up a shirt from the floor, tried to fit it on only to find it was Nagisa's much smaller shirt. He cursed and threw the shirt and chucked it at Nagisa before picking up his own.

Nagisa fumbled with his shirt, the adrenaline running through his veins making his hands uncoordinated and shaky, next he stumbled over to his trousers, aware of the knocking at the door. It sounded like a funeral bell. He glanced over at Gakushuu who was buttoning up his shirt, a frantic look in his eyes- The may be the first time Nagisa saw him when he's lost control of a situation. Nagisa also suddenly noticed a large bruise on Gakushuu's lower back, but he didn't have any time to ask about it.

The two of them were both breathing heavily still shook from the sudden interruption.

"Sit down. Act natural." Gakushuu commanded, smoothing down his hair as he went to the door. It had felt as if it had took ages for them to get dressed, but in reality it had only been a few seconds. Nagisa sat on one of the plush chairs in the middle of the room, pushing hair out his face, willing himself to act natural. _If I mess this up, Gakushuu will hate me. I have to act normal._

After straightening his tie a final time, Gakushuu swung open the door, his face completely composed, exposing nothing of the nerves he felt. To his surprise, it wasn't a teacher or staff member standing outside, but rather, another student; He was tall, maybe an inch taller than Gakushuu with a similar lean build. His hair was a vivid shade of red and his eyes were a wolf-like yellow. Karma Akabane. The new transfer student who had a dangerous reputation. What the _hell_ is he doing here? Standing here with that faux-innocent look?

"Can I help you?" Gakushuu asked, forcing his voice to sound a mixture of disdainful and tolerant, like a adult being pestered by an annoying child. Karma looked him up and down with an equally arrogant expression, raising an eyebrow at the slightly crumbled state of his shirt. Then, his eyes looked past Gakushuu for just a second, boring into Nagisa. Nagisa flinched slightly, suddenly feeling as if he were still naked.

"Thought I heard screaming so I came to check it out." Karma said, obviously fake concern in his voice. Nagisa watched from his chair; _What was Karma suddenly doing here?_

"Listen, your new at this school, so I don't _want_ to get you into any trouble." Gakushuu said, clearly a threat despite his smile. "But you really shouldn't be on school property after hours without a good reason and permission from staff. And your certainly shouldn't attempt to trespass into the student council office without knocking. Not to be over-familiar, Akabane, but I'm aware you already have a.. _unfavorable_.. record. We wouldn't want to smear it any more."

It was their first proper conversation, and Karma already hated his smarmy bastard. But Karma could already sense how dangerous this guy could be.

"Noted. Thank you for being so understanding." Karma said, clearly not meaning it at all. "So. Asano. what 'good reason' do you and Shiota have for being here?"

Nagisa was sure he saw Gakushuu's eye twitch. He hated being questioned. "Well, if you insist on prying, I was tutoring Shiota." He said, glaring at Karma. For some reason, Nagisa felt a stab in his heart when Karma called him 'Shiota'. Karma once again tried to meet Nagisa's eye, but he looked away unable to stop his cheek from burning red. He felt ashamed, Karma must _know_ he lied about the reason he went back to the school. He hadn't realized how much he'd appreciated Karma's friendship until he felt as if he were in danger of loosing it. Nagisa was also a little in awe at how fast and how smoothly Gakushuu could lie.

"How kind of you." Karma said shortly. His voice was practically dripping with sarcasm. Although, internally he was kicking himself; _Nagisa is going to think I'm obsessive now. Fuck it. This is dodgy._ Karma let his eyes sweep over the room once over, noticing the lack of paper or books on the table. "You must be doing some interesting tutoring without any work books or even paper. Anyway- I'll leave you to it."

And with that, Karma turned and left. Nagisa let out a shaky sigh of relief.. but internally he still felt in turmoil ( _Why had Karma followed him back here? Had he followed him or what it a coincidence? Had Gakushuu managed to fool Karma?_ ) It seemed Gakushuu was having the same thoughts. He waited until Karma's footsteps disapeared before he spoke again.

"Care to explain what your little friend is doing hanging around here?" Gakushuu asked, turning to glare at Nagisa with a suspicious look. Nagisa flinched. (Although a small part of him was surprised that Gakushuu even knew that Karma was his friend. Gakushuu must take more notice of Nagisa than Nagisa thought he did).

"I- I don't know. I haven't said anything to him, I swear!" Nagisa replied, looking up at Gakushuu with wide honest eyes. Gakushuu wasn't convinced however, he stormed over to _Nagisa_ with a face like thunder. For a terrible moment, Nagisa was sure that he was going to be hit. He winced involuntarily, but instead, Gakushuu directed his anger at the chair next to him, and kicked it so hard one of the legs snapped off.

"You must of said _something_ to lead him back here! You are such an _idiot_! I don't know why I thought I could trust you with even the simple task of keeping your mouth closed!" Gakushuu said, his voice low and dangerous. Those words felt like they were piercing Nagisa's soul. It reminded him so much of how his mother spoke to him. "I suppose you probably don't understand just how _fucked_ we both we would of been if we were caught!"

Nagisa had never heard Gakushuu swear before.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! But I promise, I didn't- I didn't say anything to him!- I don't know why he came here." Nagisa tried to explain. But this didn't sate Gakushuu's anger.

" _Oh_ \- Nagisa Shiota doesn't know something. There's a novelty. How does one manage to go through life with so little intelligence? Tell me. I'm curious." Gakushuu hissed. Now Nagisa was sure he was just being hurtful for the sake of it as a way of letting out his anger. Nagisa knew Gakushuu had to be perfect at all times in most parts of his life. There wasn't a place for 'ugly' emotions like anger when you were a perfect student, so they only person Gakushuu could safely take it out on is Nagisa. Nagisa is Gakushuu's emotional bag. It's a painful role to play.

Nagisa stared straight ahead, this really did remind him of his mother. He bit his tongue to stop himself from retorting and tried to tune out what Gakushuu was saying. Tried to pretend he wasn't there and protect himself from the harsh words coming from someone he admired so much. Honestly, he'd rather Gakushuu hit him rather than this. The sting of a slap is preferable over cruel words.

"Well- do you not have anything to say in your own defense? Are you just going to sit there like a mute?" Gakushuu said, leaning down over. Nagisa had lots of things he'd like to say ( _No I really didn't say anything to Karma? Why are you really in such a bad mood today? How are you going to explain that broken chair tomorrow? How did you get that bruise on your back? Do you really think I'm an idiot?)_ But instead, Nagisa just shook his head and said.

"I'm sorry Gakushuu. I don't know what I did, but you're right, I'm an idiot so it's probably my fault."

"You can be so pathetic at times." Gakushuu said, but his voice sounded more restrained now. Slightly calmer. "Just. Go clean yourself up and go home."

Nagisa stood up, half relieved half disappointed to be leaving. He stopped when he reached the door, trying to think of what to say. He wanted to convey his feelings to Gakushuu but he wasn't sure what he could say that wouldn't make Gakushuu more angry. Instead, he settled for. "Will I hear from you again?"

Gakushuu stared at him for a few seconds before replying. "If I want to see you again I'll let you know."

Once again, he had the upper hand in the relationship and wouldn't relinquish it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma and Nagisa talk.

**Xeno**

_n_. the smallest measurable unit of human connection, typically exchanged between passing strangers

* * *

Nagisa had hardly managed to sleep at all that night. Thoughts had whirred around his mind for hours _What if Gakushuu doesn't want anything to do with me again? What if Karma hates me for lying? Has Karma worked out what's going on between me and Gakushuu? What will he do- will he tell people? Will he be disgusted? Why does Gakushuu feel like he can blame me for everything to make himself feel better? What if it **is** my fault?_

A large part of Nagisa was tempted just to take the day off from school and hide from his troubles. But no. That would be so much worse, and would only delay the inevitable; he'd rather just get this day over with than be forced to prolong the tension and be left alone at home with his thoughts. Besides. if he did take the day off, that would likely make Karma even more suspicious.

So, feeling almost weak with exhaustion, Nagisa arrived in class that day his eyes puffy and his face pale. As he walked in, he acknowledged Karma with a smile and a wave, trying to act natural. Karma smiled back, although he raised his eyebrow slightly, questioning. If Karma asked why he'd lied, Nagisa would just say that he was embarrassed about needing extra tutoring and didn't want Karma to think he was stupid- _that was convincing, right?_ He tried to ignore the pang of guilt.

Fortunately, Nagisa had arrived a little late that day, so he didn't have time to talk to Karma before homeroom started, which gave Nagisa had more time to sit and stew and think of worst case scenarios.

It seemed to take an age for the lunch bell to ring, but as soon as it did, Nagisa felt suddenly unprepared. _Calm down, this isn't such a big deal. Stop making it into a big deal. If he asks just tell him about the tutoring, it'll be easy. He probably doesn't even care what you do in your spare time. Just calm down._

"Hey, Nagisa- It's sunny. Want to go outside for lunch?" Karma asked, suddenly standing above Nagisa, that playful smile still in place. Nagisa felt his stomach lurch; Karma hadn't invited him to sit outside before. Under normal circumstances he'd be happy.

"Sure." Nagisa replied with a smile, and the two of them left the classroom together.

* * *

"So, you and the student council president?" Karma said casually, once the two of them were sat outside on the benches, the afternoon sun glaring down on them. The school was quite beautiful really, especially in the sunlight- the grounds were full of lush trees and flowers. But right now, neither of them were focused on the aesthetics of the school. Nagisa began his explanation

"Oh- I'm sorry I lied about it. I was too embarrassed to admit it, but I've not been doing so well in lessons so he's been tutoring me- "

"- Nagisa, I know he's fucking you."

Karma said it so casually it was like he was commenting on the weather. Nagisa choked. He somehow managed to splutter on air itself, and was left in a violent coughing fit.Nagisa was vaguely aware that Karma was patting him on the back.

"K-Karma, is that some sort of joke?" He spluttered, face red and eyes watering from coughing. Karma glared at him. His amber eyes suddenly looked so cold, and so full of rage that Nagisa genuinely looked afraid.

"Don't lie to me, Nagisa." Karma commanded. Nagisa couldn't help but shrink away. He neither confirmed or denied what Karma said, but rather, simply looked down, his long blue hair hiding his eyes. He bit his lip, and felt his blood run cold.. Would Karma think he was disgusting now? A few moments passed in silence. When it was clear that Nagisa wasn't going to reply, Karma spoke again.

"Listen, Nagisa. Can't say I'm not surprised, but you can sleep with whoever you want, I'm not going to judge you for that." Karma said. Nagisa looked up at him, surprised. That was the last thing he expected Karma to say. "But you aren't letting that Asano kid take advantage of you, are you? Not trying to insult your... lover... but the guy seems like a real asshole."

"He is.. an asshole." Nagisa admitted, remembering how Gakushuu had treated him the last time he saw him. How he'd _always_ treated him. "But there's more to him than that."

Karma raised an eyebrow, giving Nagisa a skeptical expression. "Oh, I'm sure he's also sunshine and rainbows deep, deep down." Karma said. Karma admittedly didn't know Asano at all, but he already didn't like him; He had never seen Asano interact with Nagisa before. It seems to Karma as if Asano was just using him.. It made him furious.

"He always acts perfect in front of everyone but _I'm_ the only one who gets to see him when he's not!" Nagisa tried to explain. He knew his relationship with Gakushuu was twisted, and it seemed it hadn't taken Karma long to work that much out. The next thing he knew, he felt Karma grab his wrist and pull the long sleeve of his jumper. Nagisa let out a gasp, as before he could stop it, Karma had exposed the bruises on his wrist. Nagisa pulled his wrists away.

"He did that to you, didn't he?" Karma demanded, his expression suddenly darkening. Nagisa quickly pulled his sleeves back down; He hadn't realised how tightly Gakushuu had been grabbing him yesterday. This was bad.

"I bruise easily. This is really nothing. Sometimes he can be rough-" Nagisa tried to explain. _Oh God.. what would Gakushuu think if he knew Karma knew? He'd kill him for sure._

"Rough?." Karma repeated, eyes flashing with rage. "How did you even get involved with someone like him in the first place?"

Well, Kamra already knew the worst of it, there was no use hiding anything.

"In middle school we were in the same music club for a short while. I think he could tell I liked him." Nagisa said, remembering back to when Gakushuu had first approach him. He couldn't believe how many years ago that was now.

"Middle school!? Jesus." Karma said; That was so young. He'd thought Nagisa was completely innocent and pure. The bell rung, signalling the end to that conversation.

"Karma. Please don't let Gakushuu know that you've worked out about us." Nagisa begged. The look in his blue eyes were desperate verging on fearful. "Please don't tell anyone."

That just made Karma's dislike Gakushuu even more. _What had he done to make Nagisa so scared?_ Karma had a lot of questions, and a lot of conflicting feelings.

"I wont tell anyone. Who would I tell anyway? You're the only one who I speak to." Karma replied after a pause. Nagisa sighed in relief, and gave Karma a small smile.

"Thank you."

* * *

It was evening time, the sun had almost completely set, outside the windows, Karma could see the city illuminated only by street lights. The classroom was completely empty, all except for one person. Nagisa was sat on one of the desks. His blue hair was out of it's usual ties and spilt over his narrow shoulders. His white school shirt looked strangely translucent, divulging whispers of the pale skin underneath. The look his blue eyes was sultry, and he was sprawled over the desk in an enticingly wanton way. As soon as he noticed Nagisa ending, he looked up and smiled.

"Karma. I'm glad you came." He said, standing up from the desk and walking over to karma. He placed a hand to the other's chest. Karma raised an eyebrow.

"What is this?" He asked, confused by Nagisa's sudden touchiness. Nagisa just laughed.

"Come on, we both know you want this." Nagisa said. Karma felt himself blush- why was Nagisa doing this? Was it a joke? and why did it make his heart race but feel warm at the same time. Almost by instinct, Karma put his arms around Nagisa. Nagisa was so much smaller than him, he seemed to fit perfectly in Karma's embrace.

"You're such a little tease." Karma growled, feeling a stirring below his stomach. Nagisa grinned at him, and Karma just let his feelings take over. He grabbed Nagisa by the shoulders and pushed him back against the desk, attaching his mouth to Nagisa's neck.

Nagisa let out a soft moan and gripped onto Karma tighter. This spurred Karma on further, he held Nagisa tighter, and ripped off Nagisa's already thin shirt revealing pale skin. Karma grabbed Nagisa's leg, hooking it around his waist before leaning forward and kissing him hard on the mouth. He ran his hands through Nagisa's hair. it was so soft, and Nagisa tasted so sweet. Karma's hand traveled down, pulling at Nagisa's waistband.

Karma pulled away from the kiss, looking at Nagisa. But suddenly, it wasn't Nagisa that Karma was making out with. Sat in front of him was a boy with blond hair and sharp violet eyes. Gakushuu Asano.

Karma woke up in bed, his heart racing covered in a thin sheen of sweat breathing heavily. _Holy shit what sort of dream is that? What is wrong with me!?_ He glanced underneath his covers. He'd have to take a cold shower. Damnit.

Ever since he'd found out about Nagisa and Asano yesterday, he couldn't stop thinking about it. ( _What did Nagisa look like when Asano did those things to him? What does it feel like to kiss Nagisa and hold him so tight he bruises? Why did Nagisa chose Asano?)_ He shoved those thoughts to the back of his mind.. He couldn't be thinking about this. He shouldn't get involved. But Karma knew that wouldn't happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this story a while ago (nearly two years ago now) it's so weird re-reading the early chapters, especially knowing where this story is heading..   
> If you want to read more review and let me know what you thought!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa and Gakushuu have a civil conversation.

##  **[onism](https://www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com/post/73524850764/onism) **

**_n_ _._ the frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time, which is like standing in front of the departures screen at an airport, flickering over with strange place names like other people’s passwords, each representing one more thing you’ll never get to see before you die—and all because, as the arrow on the map helpfully points out, _you are here_**

* * *

Four weeks had passed since Nagisa had last been with Gakushuu and he was beginning to think the other had abandoned him for good. Gakushuu hadn't text him or spoke to him directly since that time. Usually when this happened, Nagisa would get increasingly nervous that Gakushuu would never contact him again. Pretty soon, every time he got a text he would get a rush of hope, then disappointment beyond belief when it wasn't from Gakushuu. His entire life would begin to hinge on the promise of contact.

This time was different. Of course, Nagisa still got anxious worrying if Gakushuu had decided to let him go for good, but the feeling wasn't as intense, it didn't pervade over his entire life as it had done when he had been ignored for extended periods of time in the past. Nagisa was fairly certain he knew why he was more relaxed this time; Karma Akabane.

His friendship with Karma helped him forget the feelings of anxiety and worries surrounding Gakushuu. The two of them had evolved from amiable acquaintances to best friends. They spent every break and lunch time together, and even hung out with each other after school. Nagisa had never had a friend he could spend so much time with; Even with Kayano, she almost always had an acting job or drama club to go to after school, and Sugino was the same with baseball. Besides. Unlike those two, Karma already knew Nagisa's deepest secret, so he felt as if he had nothing to hide in front of him. It was liberating.

Part of Nagisa worried they were getting too close, however. Karma could be quite touchy-feeley at times, especially when he could tell Nagisa was upset about something. It wasn't anything inappropriate; Just a squeeze of his hand, ruffling his hair, or rubbing his back. Nagisa had slept over at Karma's house a couple of times. Truth be told, it felt so freeing to be out from under his mother's roof. Each time, the two of them had fallen asleep together in Karma's huge king-sized bed and whenever Nagisa woke up, he and Karma were always entangled together (And sometimes.. aroused..)

Nagisa would be lying if he said he wasn't attracted to Karma; Well Karma _was_ attractive with strong facial features and mesmerizing gold eyes. He was tall with a good figure. Not only that, but his personality intrigued Nagisa. Karma was so strong, smart and confident it felt like he could do anything. In some ways it reminded Nagisa of Gakushuu, but there was a difference to Karma's confidence- Gakushuu was a leader who was restrained by the opinion's of others, Karma marched to the beat of his own drum.

Nagisa wasn't stupid. He knew Karma was attracted to him too; Nagisa was good at reading the emotions of others, but to avoid more complications he chose not to acknowledge it. Nagisa knew that their relationship was on a precarious balance; the tentative mix of attraction and friendship would tip over soon. Part of Nagisa wanted it to. But another part of his was still loyal to Gakushuu; Yes, as Karma had said, Gakushuu was an asshole, he would only interact with Nagisa on his own terms, he just used Nagisa as someone to take out his negative emotions on, was manipulative, was likely seeing other people, had _serious_ control issues and was completely unable to be honest about his feelings. But still. Nagisa didn't want to break Gakushuu's rule about not seeing other people (At least not without talking to him). So for the first time ever, he sent Gakushuu a text message first.

_If you are free could you please meet me in your office at 5pm tomorrow? We have to talk about the tutoring._

Nagisa sent it Sunday night. He had been typing the message out then deleting it all weekend, just the thought of sending it filled him with anxiety (He knew it wasn't right to be terrified just about sending a text to someone).After spending many hours deliberating and debating with himself, Nagisa finally pressed **Send** _._ _Well, it's out of my hands now._ Part of Nagisa suspected that Gakushuu would message him back saying he was busy, or even more likely just ignore it. Instead, rather promptly, he got a reply.

_See you then._

* * *

Nagisa spent the whole of Monday anxious about the meeting after school. Karma could tell something was up with him, but when he asked, Nagisa just said he'd had another argument with his mother. He wanted to tell Karma that he was planning on talking to Gakushuu, on breaking things off. But if he told Karma his plan, then Nagisa would be committed to it, and part of him felt like he wouldn't be able to go through with it.

It didn't help that they had assembly that morning, and Gakushuu was giving a speech as student council president. Nagisa was forced to sit there and watch him and it was impossible not to notice how attractive he was. Nagisa couldn't help but look at what a beautiful colour his eyes were, and how strong his arms looked and he couldn't help but look at Gakushuu's mouth and remember what it felt to be kissed by him. Karma nudged him.

"This speech really that interesting?" Karma whispered. He was aiming for jovial, but Nagisa sensed annoyance and jealousy in his voice. He felt a sudden stab of guilt. Lusting after Gakushuu while sat next to Karma felt _wrong_ somehow. It was no secret between them that Karma didn't approve of Nagisa's relationship. He said very little about it, but when he did, it wasn't good; He thought that Gakushuu was a manipulative bastard who took advantage of Nagisa. Nagisa was fairly certain the only reason Karma hadn't confronted Gakushuu about it was because Nagisa had begged him to keep the secret.

* * *

Nagisa had enough time to go home before returning to the school for 5pm. The reason he picked such a late time was two-fold; He knew Gakushuu always had _some_ sort of meeting or club to go to and Nagisa knew he'd have to travel home with Karma or else he'd be suspicious if Nagisa stayed back in school.

When he arrived home, thankfully, his mother was still at work. He didn't have time to stay long. He quickly hurried to the bathroom and pried open his mother's medicine cupboard his eyes rested on a small orange bottle. Nagisa grabbed it and pulled off the cap, tipping two blue pills into his hand. He shoved them into his mouth, and used a glass of water on the side of the sink to swallow them.

Lorazepam. He'd need this to relax enough to go through with this. Putting back the bottle so that his mother wouldn't notice, Nagisa hurried back out the door as quick as he'd came. As he hurried back to the train station, Nagisa realized that just four weeks ago he'd never be able to do this; He'd never stand up for himself and make his own decision regarding his life, and decide for himself to end it with Gakushuu instead of letting himself just get dragged along and let Gakushuu make all the decisions regarding their relationship for him. ( _He wouldn't of been able to done this before he met Karma_ )

* * *

It took Nagisa all his emotional strength to get the courage to knock on the door, he wondered if Gakushuu might of stood him up, but no, Gakushuu wasn't like that. Almost as soon as Nagisa knocked, the door swung open and he was suddenly confronted with Gakushuu standing in front of him, his larger figure looming over him. He smiled at Nagisa, but it was cold and false.

"Come in." Gakushuu said, stepping aside and allowing Nagisa to walk in. Nagisa did so, walking over to the chair he had sat on last time he was here. He couldn't help but glance at the chair Gakushuu had broke last time; It was very faint, but there was clearly a line were it had been stuck back together. Gakushuu noticed were Nagisa's gaze was.

"Our last encounter was.. regrettable. Would you like some tea?" Gakushuu said, closing the door and walking over to sit opposite Nagisa. He was clearly in a very different mood from last time. Right now he was the calm, business-like Gakushuu who hid all his emotions behind a smile. Nagisa preferred the Gakushuu who shouted and broke chairs. It was at least honest.

"Gakushuu, please don't do this." Nagisa said quietly, looking down. "We've slept with each other too many times to act like we're in a business meeting."

Gakushuu's eyes widened such a fraction in disbelief. Nagisa had _never_ spoke back to him before. "I see hanging around with a dangerous delinquent has been rubbing off on you." Gakushuu said coldly, his voice mocking. He wasn't expecting Nagisa to be so.. _assertive_ "Well, if you aren't interested in the niceties then tell me why you got me to time out of my busy schedule to meet with me. And don't take all day about it, I have other things to do with my life."

Nagisa sighed. This Lorazepam really was helping him relax enough to say what was on his mind.. although maybe he was starting to get a little dizzy.

"We've been doing this for four years now.." Nagisa said, looking at Gakushuu from underneath his lashes. "I've always liked you as more than just.. a shag. But you know that. You've always used the fact I'm devoted to you to your advantage."

"We have an understanding." Gakushuu said after a pause. "What's your point?"

"I've been thinking a lot lately, about why I like you so much. Of course, there was the obvious things; You're beautiful, you're smart, you're confident, you're attractive, everyone _loves_ you." Nagisa listed, fully aware that this would probably swell Gakushuu's already swollen ego even bigger. "All of that drew me to you, but it wasn't the reason I became so devoted."

"Oh?" Gakushuu said, very pointedly, his eyes narrowed. Nagisa took a deep breath before continuing. He was sure what he was going to say next would piss Gakushuu off.

"I think I got so attached to you because a small part of _you_ reminded me of _myself_." Nagisa explained. Gakushuu let out a grunt of annoyance, but Nagisa continued. "Even though you're more gifted and skilled than I'll ever be, I think you're just as trapped as I am- "

"What are you talking about? I'm nothing like you!" Gakushuu interjected, his calm facade thoroughly destroyed. It appears that Nagisa had hit a nerve. But he wasn't done yet.

"I think you are, and you know it! You're trapped by people's expectations, by you're own expectations of yourself. Maybe I thought we could save each other. Maybe that's why I let this go on for so long." Nagisa said, standing up. "But now I see letting you use me isn't helping _either_ of us."

"You're delusional. Get to the point." Gakushuu said, glaring up at Nagisa. He wasn't prepared for this, he never expected Nagisa of all people to stand up to him. He thought Nagisa would always remain like a faithful servant.

"We should end this thing between us. It's not healthy." Nagisa said, blinking back tears that were starting to sting his eyes. He wasn't even sure exactly why he was crying- maybe it was because ending this relationship brought about a culmination of all the emotions he had felt throughout it; _Anger, Sadness, Bitterness, longing, regret_.

A pause followed Nagisa's words.

"I should of seen this coming. This is because of Akabane, isn't it?" Gakushuu said with a biting tone. "I suppose so long as you have _someone_ to fuck you, you're satisfied. I've always known what you are."

"Gakushuu it's not like that!" Nagisa said, shocked. "I'm not just some- some- _whore_."

"That's all you've ever been, Nagisa." Gakushuu said, turning away. "So go off with Akabane and see if I care."

"You're such a hypocrite." Nagisa hissed, now truly angry. His blood lust began to rise unconsciously. "The only person I've ever been with is _you_. But what about you? I _know_ you see other people besides me. I've seen the love-bites on you. _You_ initiated this, and I can tell you had experience. How many people are in your harem besides me? If either of us are a whore, it's you- "

Nagisa was cut off when Gakushuu punched him hard across the face. Nagisa didn't even have time to be surprised before he was knocked off his feet and went flying backwards into one of the chairs. The first thing Nagisa was aware of was the sudden pain across the left side of his face. His vision blurred for a couple of seconds. Nagisa thought he was used to being hit, but Gakushuu was a lot stronger than his mother. Nagisa coughed, tasting blood on in his mouth were he had bit his tongue. Shakily, he looked up. Gakushuu was standing over him, looking equally shocked by his own actions. Slowly, Gakushuu knelt down in front of him, Nagisa flinched away on instinct, but Gakushuu didn't reach out to either help nor harm him, the shock in his eyes had faded, and what replaced it was a dull, emotionless look.

"Don't ever speak to me like that again." Gakushuu commanded. "You should go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone who's commented so far! I love reading them and I'm glad there are people out there who actually like this messed-up story lol.  
> Please let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karma reacts exactly how you'd expect him to.

Nagisa frowned when he once again caught sight of his face in the window of the classroom. Were Gakushuu had punched him, and ugly bruise marred the left side of his face. Overnight it had morphed into a mottled purple-red colour that was incredibly noticeable on Nagisa's pale skin, which meant people had been giving him funny glances all morning. He had attempted to use his mother's concealer to hide it, but that had only made it more obvious. Whenever Nagisa's mother hit him, it was never this hard, and never on his face (She wanted to keep him 'pretty'), so it wasn't as if people were used to seeing him covered in bruises. Still, Nagisa knew nobody in this school would care. Well. Except for _one_ person. But _he_ wasn't here yet.

Nagisa thought back to the incident with Gakushuu yesterday. He always knew Gakushuu had anger issues, but he'd never seen him loose control to that degree- Gakushuu might be rough when they were intimate, but he'd never _hit_ him before. _Had Nagisa's words really pissed him off that much? Or was he more annoyed that Nagisa had decided to leave him?_

"Nagisa, what happened?" Karma demanded as soon as he arrived in the classroom, for once he'd managed to get there before the first bell. Nagisa blinked, looking up at him with what he hoped was innocent eyes. Part of him wanted to tell the truth, and have Karma be his confident, someone he could trust to tell his woes to, someone who could comfort him. But another part of Nagisa was afraid of his reaction, and an illogical part of himself still felt as if he owed Gakushuu something.

"I fell.." Nagisa lied. "Slipped right down the stairs and whacked my face."

Karma scrutinized Nagisa for a moment before saying. "You know, for someone who lies as often as you do, you think you'd be better at it." He said, his eyes cold. "Nagisa. Tell me the truth."

Nagisa looked up at him, his mind racing _what should he do?_ Without thinking about it, he blurted it out. "I.. went to see Gakushuu yesterday. I broke things off between us. We got into an argument. We both said somethings.." Nagisa said, trying to underplay the situation. Karma was having none of it though, his eyes widened in rage. Karma lent closer to Nagisa, his finger's gently brushing the bruises on his face.

"Gakushuu did this?" Karma asked, his voice low and deadly. He looked moments away from snapping. Before Nagisa had a chance to answer, Karma turned away and stormed out the classroom, his eyes ablaze.

"Karma Akabane! The class is about to start!" Their teacher shouted as Karma headed past. Karma ignored the sound of the bell ringing as he headed out. Nagisa felt a jolt of dread- _what was Karma going to do?_ Ignoring their teacher's cry of ' _Not you too Shiota!'_ Nagisa followed him.

* * *

Gakushuu was sat in class, his eyes fixed on a book in front of him. He wasn't _really_ reading it however, but having a book in front of your face was the best way to indicate to people that _No_ , you didn't want to talk. His followers knew at this point not to bother him when he wasn't in the mood. The events of yesterday spun through his mind.. _I'm ending up just like him._

The bell rung indicating the start of class. The door swung open, Gakushuu expected their teacher to walk in, but instead, standing there with a face like thunder was none other than Karma Akabane. _What the hell is he doing here?_

Before Gakushuu could even ask him, Karma stormed over, wordlessly furious until he was suddenly right in front of Gakushuu's desk, looming over him. In an instant, Karma had raised his fist, and hit Gakushuu as hard as he could.

It was only because of years of martial arts training that Gakushuu managed to block the hit with his forearm. But Karma was still strong enough to knock him off his chair. The rest of A class gasped as Gakushuu whacked his head against the desk behind him as he careened into the floor. Gakushuu didn't even have a chance to pull himself off the ground before Karma sat on top of him, grabbed him by the collar, and punched him across the face. Gakushuu's vision blurred for a moment, he spat out a wad of blood out. He looked up at Karma who was grinning, with eyes full of blood lust.

"If you ever touch Nagisa again, I'll kill y- " Karma started to say, but was cut off when Gakushuu punched him across the face twice in quick succession. Gakushuu was vaguely aware of people in the class screaming, and Nagisa Shiota standing at the door screaming for them to ' _stop_ '.

They didn't stop, however. Gakushuu raised his fists to hit Karma again, only for the other to grab his wrists. Both of them weren't thinking about the consequences, only about how much they wanted to smash the other's face in. They probably would of done too if Nagisa hadn't pulled a water bottle out of his bag and poured if over the two of them. Suddenly, they both felt themselves being covered with cold liquid. That was enough to shock them out of their violent fight.

"Just stop." Nagisa said, his eyes teary. Before either Karma or Gakushuu could reply however, the teacher walked over, looking horrifed.

"What on earth is going on here!?"

* * *

Both Karma and Gakushuu had been hauled away to the disciplinary office by the teacher. Nagisa had been forced to return to his classroom as if nothing had happened. All day, everyone from D class attempted to get Nagisa to spill about the fight between Gakushuu and Karma since he'd seen it first hand. Fights were rare in this school, and one involving the top pupil was simply unheard of. It was scandalous. Nagisa simply dodged the questions, pretending he hadn't been able to _really_ see it, and _no, he had no idea what the fight was about._

It was torturous having no idea what sort of trouble the other two were getting in too. Nagisa was certain Gakushuu would get off lightly, since he wasn't technically the one who started it, he had a perfect record and he was universally loved by teachers (Although he was sure that the fight affecting his 'perfect' reputation at all would be a huge blow to Gakushuu, and he'd probably agonize about it.). It was Karma that Nagisa was truly scared for. With his reputation, there was a good chance he could get expelled for pulling a stunt like that. Nagisa had already grown attached to Karma, he didn't want to have to see him leave now. Besides? Were would Karma go- there weren't any schools left within ten miles that would take him. The only leverage Karma has was his good grades, since the school tended to favor the smart pupils.

He hoped and prayed that Karma wouldn't be dragged over the coals for this. Nagisa didn't want to loose another friend. He didn't want to loose Karma.

* * *

Karma had a problem controlling his anger. He knew this, he'd been that way as long as he could remember. In general, Karma was laid back and relaxed, he didn't let other people trying to tear him down bother him, in fact, it amused him most of the time. But he had a limit. Karma was hardly ever a 'little bit angry',when he was pissed off, he was filled with uncontrollable rage. He went from 0-100 in 2 seconds, and by the time he'd managed to calm himself down, he'd already lashed out, and he had to face the consequences for his actions.

One moment he saw Nagisa's bruised face, the next he was in a fist fight with Gakushuu Asano in front of the whole class. Karma could kick himself! He thought he was getting better at controlling his anger, but something about seeing Nagisa hurt made him spiral out of control once again. _If only he'd kept his cool, if only he'd been smart._ He could of easily got revenge against Gakushuu without getting himself into trouble. He could of played a prank on him, he could of publicly humiliated him. _Heck, he could of even just went and punched him when nobody was looking._

Right now, he was in the disciplinary office, knelt on the hard wooden floor. Next to him was Gakushuu, looking about as pissed off as Karma felt, although Karma couldn't help but be slightly satisfied to see a bruise forming around the edge of Gakushuu's eye. _Good, not so pretty now, are you?_ From what he'd heard of Gakushuu, this was probably the first time he'd been in trouble with the school _doubly good._

Sat in front of them behind a wooden desk were three stern faces; The head of year (A severe looking woman with long black hair), A counselor (short and balding with round glasses), and Chairman Asano himself. This was the first time Karma had seen Chairman Asano in person. He was an elusive leader, constantly away from the school on business trips and meetings. Yet, he still managed to keep an iron-fisted rule over the place, were students and teachers universally revered and feared him. Even Karma had to admit that the man was intimidating; He was tall with a broad figure and sharp features, everything from his hair to his uniform was impeccably neat. Although he was conventionally attractive, there was something sinister about him that Karma couldn't quite place.

He didn't look all that much like his son, expect for the eyes; They both had the same sharp violet eyes. _Speaking of familial bonds.. how was it fair that Gakushuu's own father got to be one of the judges for their punishment?_

"It's clear what happened here. That Akabane boy attacked Asano for no reason like a wild animal." The Counselor stated after only a moment's deliberation. The look in his eyes was one of disdain. "Akabane already has a blood-stained history of violence. We shouldn't tolerate _his_ kind at our school. I say he should be expelled here and now."

The head of year nodded in agreement. Karma couldn't resist the urge to roll his eyes; The hadn't even made any mention of Asano. Typical.

"Let us not be hasty." The Chairman said, his voice demanding absolute attention. "We haven't asked for Akabane's version of events. Akabane, why did you hit Asano?"

Despite the oppressive atmosphere in the room, Karma didn't allow himself to show any signs of nerves. He looked the Chairman straight in the eye and spoke in a calm, clear voice.

"It was revenge. Because Asano hit my friend. Nagisa Shiota." Karma said. He was careful about how he worded it though, he had no problem telling the teachers that Gakushuu had hit Nagisa, but he didn't exactly want to tell them why. He was sure that Nagisa wouldn't want his sex life revealed to the school staff, and if it was discovered that they had been intimate on school grounds, it would likely mean they'd been breaking several rules. As tempting as it was to humiliate Gakushuu by revealing his dirty secrets to his father and the other members of staff, it wasn't worth getting Nagisa into trouble also.

Out of the corner of his eye, Karma could see Gakushu scowl at his words. Instantly, the counselor and head of year jumped to the golden boy's defense.

"What lies!"

"Asano would never do such a thing."

The Chairman however, remained silent, his eyes boring into Karma intently. Somehow, his silence was louder than words. He stayed like that few a good few seconds before turning his attention to his son. "So, Asano, is this true?"

"Of course not." Asano said, through gritted teeth. Karma could tell he was on edge though, just a mention of what he'd done to Nagisa had thrown him.

"You can check the bruises on Nagisa's face if you don't believe me." Karma said slyly.

"That has nothing to do with me, Akabane." Gakushuu retorted, turning to glare at Karma, his violet eyes practically flashing with rage.

"Silence." The Chairman demanded. Although he hadn't even raised his voice, the effect was immediate, and both boys shut up instantly. Karma was sure he saw Gakushuu wince. "I will not have childish bickering in my presence. Now. For your punishment..."

* * *

When Karma finally arrived back home after spending the rest of his school day in isolation, he was shocked to see a small boy with long blue hair sat on waiting on his doorstep. Nagisa. His pale skin and light blue hair looked almost luminous against the darkness of the evening, he was still wearing his uniform and carrying his bag, he must of came straight from school. The sight was enough to momentarily take Karma's breath away.

_What was he doing here? Is he not mad at me? I thought he'd want nothing to do with me after seeing my violent side._

As soon as Karma stepped close to him, Nagisa perked up, ripping his eyes away from the floor and looking up at the other.

"Karma, you're finally back." He said, sounding a mixture between pleased and wary. "I've been waiting- You hadn't been answering your phone all day."

"Sorry, I was kept in the isolation room. Didn't get much of a chance." Karma admitted, stepping past Nagisa to unlock the door.

"Well?" Nagisa said.

"Well what?" Karma replied, as he pushed the door open, although he already had a good idea of what the question was going to be.

"What was your punishment?" Nagisa asked tentatively, as if he was scared of the answer

"Being in isolation for all of today, a weeks suspension, and I have to write an apology essay to my teacher." Karma said nonchalantly, as if being in such trouble was no big deal. "Honestly, I expected a lot worse- "

Karma was cut off when Nagisa suddenly stood up and hugged him tightly. Karma's heart raced as arms wrapped around his waist, and he felt Nagisa's smaller body pressing into him. Despite himself, he felt blood rushing to his cheeks.

"Thank goodness." Nagisa said as he hugged Karma. "I thought you'd be permanently excluded. Promise me you'll never do anything that stupid again! I want to graduate with you, do you hear me?"

Karma felt a strange warm feeling fill his chest. He was sure Nagisa would be scared of him, but instead, for the first time ever, there was someone who cared about Karma's well being. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but it was _nice_. Tentatively, he wrapped his arms around Nagisa's small frame. "Fine. I promise." He chuckled. "As tempting as it would be to punch Gakushuu in the face again."

"Good." Nagisa said, looking up at Karma with those impossibly blue eyes. Their gazes met, and there was a moment of silence as a ripple of electricity seemed to pass between them. Drew in by an unknown force, Karma felt unable to resist. He leaned down and kissed Nagisa on the lips.

There was a second of deliberation, were Nagisa's eyes widened in shock, a million thoughts passed through his head, but instead of listening to them, he decided just to allow his feelings to take over. He kissed back, bringing his arms up Karma's back to run his hands through his hair.

A primal urge took over Karma, with perhaps slightly more force than necessary, he pushed Nagisa back against the wall, one hand pinning Nagisa's wrist, the other cupping Nagisa's face. He pulled away, from Nagisa's mouth, not leaving a moment's pause before he began kissing Nagisa's neck. The soft moan that Nagisa made sent a thrill of arousal through Karma.

"W- Wait." Nagisa gasped, pushing Karma away lightly. "We need to go inside."

Karma didn't need to be told twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments! Please let me know what you think of the story so far and what you think will happen next :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So major trigger warning in this chapter for child abuse/suicide attempt/alluded to sexual abuse

Nagisa woke up when rays of sunlight shone through the crack in the curtains onto his face. He blinked, opening his eyes and inspecting his surroundings. He was in a large room, lying on a queen-size bed; Karma's house. Lying next to him was Karma himself. The red head was asleep, his red hair falling into his face and his arms wrapped around Nagisa's waist. Nagisa felt his heart warm _Karma looked so sweet when he was asleep._ A few bruises were now visible on his face from his fight with Gakushuu. _We match_ Nagisa thought, smiling slightly.

Being with Karma was very different from being with Gakushuu. Karma was a lot less experienced than Gakushuu for one, but he was also gentler as if he were still afraid of breaking him. But Nagisa was sure they'd be able to work on that. The best difference was that unlike Gakushuu, Karma actually aloud Nagisa to touch him. It was so nice to be able to initiate kisses and hold Karma tight. They hadn't gone _all the way_ last night, but it had been just enough too be able to kiss and hold each other and fall asleep in each other's arms.

As blissful as he was feeling, the paranoid part of Nagisa felt as if this was too good to be true; _Why would someone as smart and talented as Karma be interested in someone like him? Was he just being used for sex again like he was with Gakushuu? Was he okay with that?.. wait they hadn't even had sex last night. What if Karma gets freaked out by what happened last night.. He didn't even know that Karma was gay. Was Karma gay? Or was he Bi? What about Gakushuu. Was Nagisa himself gay or Bi? Why didn't he know his own sexuality. Did it matter?_

Nagisa was pulled out of his thoughts when his phone suddenly started ringing; Who would be ringing him now? It was 7.30 am in the morning, the sun was hardly up! Quickly, so Karma wouldn't be woken up by his ringtone, Nagisa de-tangled himself from the other's arms before jumping out of bed and rushing to his bag and pulling his phone out, answering it.

" ** _Nagisa! Get home right now!_** " His mother screeched down the phone. Nagisa was so startled he almost dropped his phone. Instantly, his happy mood was shattered and replaced with dread.

"M- mum! what's wrong? has something happened?" Nagisa asked, gripping the phone tighter. What had he done to piss her off now? He'd text to let her know he was staying over at Karma's place and she seemed fine with it.

"I've just been speaking to Tanaka-san!" Mother said, (Tanaka-san being their nosey next door neighbor who's obnoxious son was in Nagisa's class). " _She_ said that Karma Akabane is a dangerous delinquent. _She_ said he attacked a boy in school yesterday. Not only that, but he's already been excluded from countless school's before. How could you be hanging around with such a low-life! You're putting yourself in danger! Do you not care about your own mother at all? How do you think I'd feel if something happened to you? After all I've sacrificed for you, this is how you treat me?"

"- Wait, Mum, it's not like that!" Nagisa tried to explain. Yes, Karma had done all the things she'd accused him of, but he wasn't _dangerous._ He could already visualise his mother at the other end of the phone, her face red with rage, and her eyes wide and wild like a viscous animal, stomping her feet around their flat.

"I don't want to here it!" She snapped. "You better be home in ten minutes or else- or else I don't know what I'll do!"

"Mum, wait!" Nagisa cried out, but it was too late, she'd already hung up. Filled with fear for what could happen, Nagisa dashed about the room, quickly pulling his shirt and trousers back on (He'd only been wearing his underwear to bed), in his haste, he was tripping over and probably actually taking longer than if he were calm.

"Nagisa? what's up?" Karma asked sleepily from the bed, giving Nagisa a confused look with bleary tired eyes. He must of only just woken up. He sat up in bed, stretching. "Are you leaving now?"

"Sorry Karma.. It's a family emergency." Nagisa said breathlessly. Already fully dressed with his bag slung over his shoulder, Nagisa lent down and kissed Karma suddenly on the mouth before heading out the door. "I'll text you!"

Karma could only watch him go, sleep dulling his reactions. He felt strangely disappointed that Nagisa had already left, but more importantly, was the other okay? He'd seemed incredibly flustered, bordering on frightened. _What on earth had happened?_

* * *

The first thing Gakushuu wanted to do when he woke up was text Nagisa and arrange a meeting, but then he realised with a resounding thump of disappointment that meeting with Nagisa was no longer an option. Letting out a frustrated sigh he sat up, in his bed, his head pounding from lack of sleep. Yesterday had been awful. before first period he had managed to ruin his spotless school record and tarnish his perfect reputation. His classmates and teacher had saw him _fighting._ He'd gotten a detention(Sure, he'd gotten off lightly compared to Akabane who had been suspended, but that wasn't the point!). _Speaking of Akabane, why had Nagisa picked Akabane over him? Was it because he was stronger? Because he wasn't afraid to do what he wanted no matter the social repercussions? (Because he could tell Gakushuu was poison?)._

Gakushuu's phone buzzed, he picked it up seeing a slew of messages from both classmates and other kids from school- some not even in his year. Scrolling through, almost all of them said pretty much the same thing; ' _Asano are you okay?' 'You shouldn't of gotten in trouble! It was all Akabane's fault', 'You were so brave'._ Gakushuu knew to keep up his 'perfect' facade he'd have to answer them as some point, thanking them for their concern and assuring them that everything was completely fine.

Reluctantly, Gakushuu dragged himself out of bed, wincing as his body ached with pain at his every movement. He stopped in the middle of the room when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He looked like a mess. His normally neat strawberry blond hair was sticking up like a bird's nest, his violet eyes were tired and a purplish bruise showed prominently on the right side of his face right next to his eye. _Fucking Akabane_. Gakushuu's eyes traveled lower down his own reflection, stopping when he saw an angry looking burn mark that marred his bare chest from the left side of his collar bone down to his naval. It was a furious red color with a few traces of white were the skin was beginning to peel. Tentatively, he pressed it, hissing in pain when it predictably began to sting. Unable to stop himself, memories of how he had acquired that injury the day before filled his head.

_The drive home had been nerve racking. Normally, Gakushuu would walk home himself since the Chairman always left the school later than he did (Even though Gakushuu himself stayed pretty late after school for student council) but today, after the disciplinary meeting was over, the Chairman had commanded Gakushuu to 'wait for him'._

_Gakushuu was sure his father enjoyed watching him squirm in his seat as the man read his news paper. Gakushuu knew he'd messed up, p, he knew his father was furious with him and he'd have to endure his wrath as soon as the two of them were alone together. Gakushuu liked to act strong, but the truth was, his father still had the ability to terrify him._

_When they arrived home, part of Gakushuu wanted to hop out the car and run away, but he knew that would only be delaying the inevitable. He'd tried running away from his father when he was younger, it only ever made the punishment worse. He hardly heard his chauffeur's farewell as he stepped out the car. Walking towards the front door of his house made Gakushuu feel like he was walking towards the execution stand with the hang man's noose waiting for him._

_"Is something the matter? You look pale." The Chairman stated as he opened the door. He had a wide grin on his face, and his eyes were full of sadistic delight as he looked at his son._

_"I'm fine, sir." Gakushuu replied, forcing himself to keep his voice even as he walked in. If there was one thing his father hated it was weakness. Gakushuu knew he'd only make things worse if he acted as scared as he felt. It would just piss the man off even more, if that was possible._

_"If you say so. I think we ought to have a chat about what happened today, don't you agree? Lets go to my office." The Chairman said. He said it so cordially as if it were simply a friendly suggestion rather than a death sentence._

_"Yes sir." Gakushuu replied stiffly, following his father to his office like a zombie. The Asano family house was very large and grand, but there was an emptiness to it; The layout was stylish but neutral and it was completely devoid of family photos. There was a hollowness to it; this could be anyone's house._

_As soon as Gakushuu entered the office, the Chairman closed and locked the door after him and suddenly the relatively large room felt too small and too enclosed. He wanted to break the door down and escape, but he knew standing his ground was the only real option. Noticing his discomfort, the Chairman simply smirked._

_"I want this to be a productive discussion. You have a tendency to try and leave when you feel under pressure." The Chairman explained as he took a seat behind his desk. That was a polite way of saying 'Sometimes Gakushuu tried to run out the door and escape when he felt genuinely in danger'. Last time he'd made it to the front door before his father had dragged him back by the ear._

_"I wont do that this time." Gakushuu assured. His father was still keeping up with this 'cool and collected' act. Part of Gakushuu wanted him to just end the anticipation and stop, but the other part of him was afraid of that. He kept waiting for the man to snap, but instead, his father switched on the small kettle he kept by his desk._

_"Tea or coffee?" The Chairman asked as if this were a polite business meeting. Gakushuu shook his head._

_"You didn't bring me in here to offer me beverages. We're both busy so I suggest you get to the point." He said pointedly. He knew being snarky when he'd already pissed off his father wasn't exactly the safest thing to do but he'd passed the point of no return now._

_"Impatient as always I see." The Chairman chuckled, before all mirth disappeared from his eyes leaving behind only pure ice. "I made a point to observe Nagisa Shiota today. He really did have a bruise, Akabane was telling the truth, you had hit him."_

_"That isn't true! Akabane must be mistaken! Someone else must of done it- " Gakushuu started to explain._

_"You've always been a terrible liar." The Chairman said coldly, cutting him off. He was done with all the fake niceties now. The kettle clicked off as it finished boiling, but the Chairman ignored it. "You're nothing but an untrained mutt if you're going around getting into fist fights with your classmates. I don't know what's worse, the fighting in class, or the fact you couldn't even win a fight against someone in your own age group. You're so weak it's pathetic."  
_

_"If the teacher hadn't intervened I could of- "_

_"Your excuses only go further to prove what a weakling you are." The Chairman growled. "So tell me, Asano, what good reason could you have possibly had for assaulting Nagisa Shiota?"_

_('Well father, I've been sleeping with him since second year of middle school, and he was breaking it off with me. He called me a whore and it made me loose my temper so I punched him') Yeah. No. That wasn't an appropriate answer._

_"I've already told you I didn't assault him. I hardly know the boy! Akabane's words aren't to be trusted, he's a future prison inmate." Gakushuu growled, looking his father in the eye. The Chairman waited all of two seconds before raising his hand and slapping Gakushuu hard across the face. Even though part of him was expecting it, the force still nearly knocked him off his feet. He blinked back water in his eyes as his cheek stung,_

_"Asano, if you're going to lie to me, do try and at least make it convincing." The Chairman said, his voice still threatening. "Let's try this again. What possible reason could you have for hitting Nagisa Shiota? What possible justification could there be for you being stupid enough to spark off a chain of events that lead to you fighting in front of your classmates like a wild dog. Needless to say your reputation is in tatters because of this, nobody will ever respect you as a fellow human now, let alone as a leader. Go on. Tell me. I'm waiting."_

_"I'm not lying." Gakushuu replied through gritted teeth. As expected, the Chairman slapped him again, harder this time. Gakushuu managed to move with it to lessen the impact, but it still hurt. What was worse than the pain though, was the humiliation. It was the feeling of weakness that accompanied each blow, the knowledge that he didn't have the strength to stop it. He felt every bit as weak and pathetic as his father told him he was. He hated it. You would think after 17 years of being slapped around by this man, he'd be used to it, but every blow was still as horrid as the first._

_"Last chance, Asano." The Chairman threatened. The steam from the kettle was billowing out from behind him, making him look even more menacing. Gakushuu took in a deep gulp of breath. He hated that his father prolonged his torture like this. But he had to stay calm for as long as he could._

_"I did not lay a finger on Nagisa Shiota. I have no possible reason for doing that. I could make up a reason if that would make you feel better?" Gakushuu said, his voice shaking just slightly giving away his fear. Gakushuu was expecting another slap, or perhaps a blow to the head, or a punch to the stomach. He was mentally preparing for it. What he didn't expect was for his father to pick up the kettle and casually as could be, pour the boiling water down Gakushuu's front._

_It took a second for him to feel it as the water seeped in through his shirt. The next thing he knew, his skin was burning and he was in white hot agony. For the first time since he'd entered the office, Gakushuu lost himself to the pain and forgot his father was even there as he let out a cry. he sunk to his knees, quickly ripping his shirt off himself as the material sodden in boiling water stuck to his skin. Oh God this hurt! This hurt so badly!_

_He looked up, seeing his father looking down at him with a satisfied smirk, the look in his eyes completely unhinged. "You should learn to lie more believably." He said, sounding only amused as his son writhed in pain beneath him. "You continue to be such a disappointment to me. I demand perfection yet you can't even muster up mediocrity. Tell me, for what purpose were you born? Were you born to be a pathetic failure? because thus far in your miserable life, that's all you've been."_

_Gasping in pain, Gakushuu looked up at him. After all this time, those words still felt like a kick to the gut; Part of him wanted to scream at his Dad, tell him how hard he constantly worked, how he had the best grades in the school, he was student council president, was star player on the football team, had won basically every award the school had to offer. Surely that was enough, right? Surely his father should acknowledge him now! What more did he need to do? But he kept his mouth shut, because he knew no matter what he said, it wouldn't make his father be proud of him. He couldn't make his father love him._

_"Look at you. crouching down there feeling sorry for yourself. You're so pathetic!" The Chairman hissed, standing closer until his shoes touched his son's. "You are my son! I created you.. what reason do you have for existing if you can't even live up to my expectations?"_

_Gakushuu forced himself to stand up. "Let me leave.. I need to run this under cold water. You're a maniac" He said. He didn't even want to look at his chest, it felt as if it were blistering. He turned towards the door. Screw not running away, he'd kick this thing down! He thought desperately._

_"Don't avoid the question!" The Chairman snarled, grabbing Gakushuu by the shoulders. Instinctively he tried to pull away. "I created you, so you should exist for no reason other than to please me. Your birth killed my wife; She belonged to me, she was mine and you killed her. That is something you will have to atone for by dedicating the rest of your life to me, do you understand?"_

_Gakushuu stopped fighting at the mention of his mother, and an old guilt coursed through his veins. Logically, he knew he wasn't responsible for his mother's death- he couldn't help being born. But after being told since he was a child he was responsible for killing her, the guilt was ingrained in his psyche. He felt repugnant, like an unlovable monster. On some level, Gakushuu knew the reason he sought so much attention and admiration from others was to cover up the deep gaping hole in his heart._

_The Chairman grinned when Gakushuu stopped fighting. He pulled him close into something that resembled a hug, one hand running through Gakushuu's hair. "A lesser man than me would of smothered you in your crib for what you've done. But not me. I'm forgiving." The Chairman spoke in a low voice into Gakushuu's ear. "I let you live with me, I fed you, clothed you, taught you, allowed you to attend my school. All I ask in return is that you attempt to atone for your sins by doing everything I say."_

Gakushuu wanted to forget what had happened next, but the evidence was all over his body from the finger-print shaped bruises on his hips to the hickeys on his inner thigh. Just looking at them made Gakushuu feel disgusted and filled with fear once again. He _hated_ that he was so weak that another man, his own father, could do whatever he wanted with him. Just use him like a rag doll. Like a whore. Gakushuu had attempted to fight back, he always did, every time. Every time it was futile. He couldn't _not_ think about what had been done to him, how weak and dirty it made him feel. Unconsciously, he scratched his forearms as he thought. Gakushuu had been knocked around and berated by his father for as long as he could remember, but this particular type of torture had begun when he was 13.

Gakushuu had been confused, he knew it was _wrong_ but there was no way to stop it; All grown ups were on Dad's side. He told his teacher in first grade about how his father had dunked his head under the water in the bath tub until he'd passed out because he'd gotten 6/10 on a spelling test. The teacher scolded him for lying and told his father what Gakushuu had said which got him into even more trouble.

At 13, Gakushuu's life began to spiral out of control. He managed to keep up his grades and a facade of strength, somehow, mostly by constantly lying to himself. But inside, he was tearing himself apart, he no longer wanted to eat, he constantly felt on the verge of tears, he began to think of ways to escape this situation, and sometimes jumping in front of a train seemed like the most effective. Being used like that made him feel like he had no control, no agency and that made him scared, which soon turned into anger. The only way he could feel less powerless was to have more power over others. he became obsessed with being the 'leader'.

A few months later, Gakushuu first encountered Nagisa. He was a boy, but he looked at Gakushuu the same way girls did. It didn't take long for Gakushuu to work out that Nagisa was weak. He was pushed around by bullies and other classamates. His own mother kept him at her beck and call through the phone (Apparently she didn't even let him cut his own hair). He was weak-willed and had no agency. Exactly the traits Gakushuu hated about himself. But seeing them in another person made him feel _better._ It meant he could focus all that hatred he felt towards himself on someone else.

It wasn't long before Gakushuu initiated a relationship with Nagisa. or perhaps 'arrangement' would be a more accurate description of what they had between them. Gakushuu did to Nagisa was his father did to him. By taking control over Nagisa, he felt as if he was more in control of his own life. Suddenly, 'Nagisa' was the weak one, not him. It gave Gakushuu a power boost having a person he could touch but couldn't touch him, someone who was there for Gakushuu's convenience whenever _he_ wanted him. Gakushuu took out all his anger and frustration at his situation out on Nagisa. _But I'm not like my father_ He told himself _Because everything me and Nagisa do it consensual. He's acting like my slave because he wants to! Because people want to worship me! Because I am all powerful!_

But that was gone now, Gakushuu remembered with a sigh, glaring at his reflection in the mirror. He kept telling himself Nagisa was replaceable commodity, but being without him still bothered him. Knowing Nagisa had picked someone else over him filled Gakushuu with humiliation and anger ( _What has Akabane have that I don't?)._ The self hatred and anger bubbled overas dark, intrusive thoughts filled Gakushuu's head ' _Look at what else you managed to fuck up! No wonder Nagisa isn't interested in you any more, even he can probably sense how weak you are.. Didn't he say he knew the two of you were alike? Didn't he say you were a whore? He's seen right through you now. Him and Akabane are probably laughing about how pathetic you are right this very moment_! _You hit Nagisa too- you like to think you're different from your father but your not, you're just as prone to violence as he is when you don't get your own way. His toxic blood runs through your veins, even if he dies you'll never escape him, he's a part of you. Can't run away from your genetics, you're poison just like he is_ '

Without even thinking about it, Gakushuu drew back his fist and punched the mirror as hard as he could. His reflection shattered before his eyes. The sudden pain of impact managed to snap him out of the trap of those thoughts. He looked at his fist, now dripping lightly with blood _Well, that was stupid._ The shards of mirror scattering the room suddenly drew his attention. They looked sharp, sharp enough, for example, to slit your wrists with.

Part of Gakushuu was tempted, if only because having a son commit suicide would be a dreadful scandal for his father to face. But no. He wouldn't make things that easy for his father; He wanted to be worse than a minor inconvenience towards that man when he got his revenge. Besides, he was busy today; Work to do, emails to answer. Shoving his feelings to the back of his mind, Gakushuu unlocked his door and stepped out into the world.

* * *

When Nagisa arrived in the house, he could hear the sound of the bath being filled with water, and he was instantly filled with dread. Without even bothering to drop his bag or take of his shoes, Nagisa ran to the bathroom, slamming through the door. What met him was a familiar sight; Something he'd seen before whenever he'd upset his mother and it still filled him with as much horror as it had done the first time.

His mother was immersed in the bathtub, fully clothed, her dark blue hair floating above her. What terrified Nagisa even more though, was the red color of the bathwater. Blood. Nagisa didn't wait a moment, he grabbed his mother and pulled her out of the bath, tears filling his eyes. Her skin was flushed, showing Nagisa that she hadn't been under the water for long; In fact, she probably only dipped her head under when she heard Nagisa coming in through the door. The cuts on her wrist were shallow and superficial. Nagisa took a sigh of relief; his mother was safe. This was all for show to make him feel bad. Despite knowing that, it worked brilliantly.

"Mother, what were you thinking?" Nagisa said, his voice shaky with adrenaline, his arms still around her.

"Can you blame me?" She hissed, her wet hair sticking to her face, making her look like a vindictive water demon. "You clearly don't care about me! You just go and put yourself in danger without a thought for _my_ feelings. You're all I have Nagisa, and if you don't appreciate me, then what's the point of me even staying alive! I can tell by your actions that you don't care about me any more!"

"That isn't true, I love you mum- please get out of the bath and let me patch you up." Nagisa said honestly. Guilt was eating away at him. The 'suicide attempt' was a card his mother often pulled when she felt as if Nagisa had done something she disproved of. It worked every time, Nagisa felt ashamed for how he'd acted, and too guilty to defy her. It was a unique way of using fear to control her son.

"If you love me then why do you treat me so awfully?" His mother sobbed, grabbing onto his wrist tightly, tears filling her eyes. Even though Nagisa knew she'd never had any intention of actually killing herself he was still wracked with guilt. He knelt down, hugging her, not caring that her wet clothes were getting his uniform damp.

"I'll be better mum, I promise." He said, desperate for this punishment to be over. He felt his mother pat his head just a little too hard.

"Then I don't want you to associate with that delinquent Karma Akabane ever again." She commanded. "If you love me, you can do that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made Gakushuu seem like the bad guy at the start of this fic, and while it's true he was an asshole towards Nagisa, that's mostly because of how he himself has been treated. Gakushuu basically has a major inferiority/superiority complex, since his father treats him like dirt, but everyone else worships him.
> 
> I didn't want to write in too much detail about what is happening to Gakushuu because nobody wants to read that and i certainly don't want to write it, but I think everyone catches the gist.
> 
> In the original Assassination classroom, I know Gakuho is a villain but he has a good heart deep, deep down. In this story he's strait up concentrated evil I wil be the first to admit that my Gakuho is pretty much a caricature of the original. Hiromi is also more manipulative than she was in the original. She has no problem traumatizing her son over a petty argument. Of course, she has her own demons and personal issues that make her so incredibly possessive and clingy over Nagisa, and willing to go to such lengths, but that doesn't make it any easier on Nagisa. Her forcing so much guilt onto him and controlling him to such a degree is why Nagisa allowed himself to be in a one-sided controlling relationship with Gakushuu, and why he was so easily infatuated by any sort of attention.
> 
> Also if you think it's disturbing that Nagisa and Gakushuu have been in such a messed up relationship from such a young age then good, it's meant to be disturbing. Nothing that happened to either of them is meant to be shown as positive. They both used each other as a maladaptive coping strategy.  
> Thank you for the reviews!


	8. Chapter 8

Walking to school and knowing that Karma wouldn't be there made Nagisa's heart heavy, and each footstep feel especially laborious. Part of Nagisa knew it was stupid; He had only known Karma for about a month. He shouldn't be _this_ attached already. But he was. All weekend Nagisa had been daydreaming of Karma's kiss and Karma's embrace. After his mother's suicide attempt on Friday, the rest of the weekend had just been walking on egg shells, doing whatever he could to ensure his mother's already fragile mood wouldn't snap again. Quite frankly, it was exhausting and Nagisa had almost been looking forward to going back to school but then he remembered Karma had gotten himself suspended.

It wasn't as if Nagisa could easily see Karma after school since he'd have to think of a good cover so his mother wouldn't get suspicious, after all, she had 'banned' Nagisa from seeing him again. Logically, Nagisa knew it was down-right tyrannical of his mother to be so controlling, but another part of him felt immensely guilty for planning to continue seeing Karma; A voice that sounded like his mother's shouted at him internally ( _Nagisa, you evil boy! You awful son! How could you even consider doing something that makes your own mother so upset? You don't even take her suicide attempts seriously enough. What if she finds out you're betraying her and she really does kill herself? how will you feel then, you selfish child!)_

Nagisa shoved all his thoughts to the back of his head as he arrived at school. He'd purposefully walked slowly through the corridors towards his classroom so he didn't have to sit in home room before the bell for too long (people knew he was friends with Karma so they'd probably be asking him all sorts of questions about his suspension and the fight. Questions Nagisa would rather not answer) He also walked the long way through the art corridors which were almost entirely empty this early. As he was walking, Nagisa suddenly heard the sound of high-pitch giggling; Something that wasn't all that unusual in a high school full of teenage girls, but the next noise caught his attention. It was the sound of a male voice murmuring something softly.. but not just any male voice. It was one Nagisa would recognise anywhere; Gakushuu.

Nagisa froze when he realised the sounds were coming from the store cupboard next to him. Nagisa knew he should forget what he heard and just carry on walking, but his legs felt rooted to the spot and his body petrified. His heart hammered in his chest. _It doesn't matter what's going on. It's non of your business any more._ But Nagisa found he physically couldn't move.

Suddenly, the store room door swung open and Nagisa felt as if his heart had dropped into his stomach. Out from the cupboard skipped Kaho Tsuchiya her face pink and grinning. He normally perfect uniform looked a tiny bit rustled and her usually short skirt was hiked up even higher. Upon seeing Nagisa, she looked him up and down with her grey eyes before saying dismissively.

"What are you looking at, twerp?" And walking off, her silky black hair swaying behind her. Behind her, out of the cupboard walked Gakushuu. His eyes widened and he stopped as soon as he saw Nagisa, allowing Kaho to walk ahead. There was a pregnant pause while the two simply stood and stared at each other, both a little shell shocked. Gakushuu broke it first.

"Are you stalking me?" He accused. Nagisa frowned, all the frustration he'd experienced over the weekend bubbling over to irritability.

"I just happened to be walking down this corridor. Not everything in my life revolves around you. At least. not anymore." Nagisa said with a harshness he would of thought was impossible for himself. He wasn't even with Gakushuu any more, but seeing him with someone else still bothered him. It was more the fact he felt like his role had simply been replaced by another faceless follower. Was he really that meaningless?

"No,how could I forget about your criminal lover? You've got another stronger male to satisfy you now." Gakushuu retorted. He also seemed to be in a bad mood, and as always had no problem taking it out on Nagisa.

"And you have another submissive follower to satisfy your needs too. That didn't take long." Nagisa hissed back, uncharacteristically brutal. "But really? Kaho Tsychiya? She has quite a reputation. And isn't she Seo Tomoya's girlfriend? I thought he was your friend."

"What? are you going to tell him?" Gakushuu challenged with a scoff. "And if you were smart, Shiota you'd stop acting so uppity when you don't have your criminal boyfriend to back you up."

"Why? Are you going to hit me again?" Nagisa retorted, glaring up at Gakushuu. Gakushuu took a step forward, making Nagisa suddenly aware of how much taller Gakushuu was and how easy he could over power him. Gakushuu quickly raised his fist, Nagisa flinched away, but the other never made a move to strike him, just leaving his arm suspended there. Gakushuu grinned as Nagisa flinched.

"And if I did? what would you do about it? You going to sic Akabane on me again? I'd _love_ that. I'd get a chance to punch his face in again and he'd almost certainly get expelled. Two birds. One stone." Gakushuu said. Nagisa just realised it, but the look in his violet eyes was almost unhinged. Maybe it was just the purplish bruise around his eyes, but his iris' looked brighter somehow. Once again, he was reminded that although Gakushuu was easy to read, he was hard to understand.

"Gakushuu, I didn't _ask_ Karma to fight you." Nagisa said, stepping backwards, his heart fluttering. He couldn't tell if he was scared or aroused. Maybe both. "Trust me. Karma wont be risking his education by fighting you again."

Asano backed away, looking slightly calmer, but still pissed. "I hope you're very happy with him." He said bitterly. "Although, maybe I'm hoping in vain, since I don't think I've ever seen you acting more miserable."

Nagisa felt a flash of _annoyance,_ because part of what Asano said was true. Although he was happy he had Karma, he was miserable because of the whole situation with his mother.

"I'd say I hope you and Kaho are happy together- " Nagisa said vindictively. "But I don't think I've ever seen you happy. I'm not sure you're even capable of it."

And with that, Nagisa turned and left, leaving Asano behind him, his heart still hammering in his chest. W _e may no longer be sleeping together, but we still end up taking frustrations out on each other in other ways, huh._

* * *

As Nagisa expected, school without Karma felt torturous. Every minute seemed to drag on for hours without his red haired friend whispering to him in class, speaking back to the teacher and explaining the more difficult concepts. Even lunch time had felt like a chore with everyone else sat with friends and Nagisa all alone. After having a taste of friendship, the loneliness cut deeper... he was no longer accustomed to isolation.

When the final bell rang, it felt like a relief until Nagisa remembered that he'd have to head home to be with his mother. Suddenly he felt a profound sense of hopelessness; _I hate being at school, I hate being at home. There's nowhere I can be happy._ Gakushuu's words rang in his head _I don't think I've ever seen you acting more miserable._

When he did arrive home, Nagisa was relieved that he had two hours of peace at least before his mother arrived home from work, it felt like the only peace he'd get all day. If he was lucky, her train would get delayed ( _Bad, selfish son! how could you think that!)_. No sooner had he took his shoes off and switched the kettle he heard the sound of someone knocking at the door. _Who could that be?_

Nagisa walked over to the door briskly opening it. Stood before him was Karma. As soon as he saw him, Nagisa very briefly forgot about all his issues from the last few days. Just seeing Karma's face made him feel lighter. Instinctively, Nagisa leaned forward and hugged him. Karma seemed surprised at first then hugged him back.

"Happy to see me I assume." Karma said with a smirk. Nagisa's eyes widened as he remembered the situation and just how nosey and gossipy his neighbours were. He quickly pulled Karma inside his apartment and slammed the door shut.

"Karma- what are you doing here?" Nagisa asked, suddenly feeling worried _Nobody saw, right? Not that nosy Tanaka woman? right?_

"Thought I'd surprise you since you said you couldn't go out anywhere after school.. are you okay, Nagisa?" Karma asked. Once again, Nagisa was faced between the choice of telling Karma the full truth which could be a relief, but might also scare him off if he knew the extent of Nagisa's crazy family life.

"It's- I'm fine. the neighbors are super nosy. I don't want to give them any reason to gossip.." Nagisa explained. His eyes shifted to the side. "One of them told my mom about how you got suspended and now she thinks your a 'bad influence' on me. I know, stupid, right? I'm sorry."

It was technically the truth, but Nagisa downplayed it, made it sound like his mother was the normal overprotective type who nagged her son to get her way, not made suicide attempts.

"So she thinks I'm corrupting you?" Karma said with a wolfish grin, luckily he wasn't offended. He swooped down, putting an arm around Nagisa's waist and dipping him down so the only thing stopping him from falling to the floor was Karma's hold. "If anything, it's the other way around. You know, I'd never even made out with anyone before I met you, temptress."

"Well, how about we pick up were we left last time-." Nagisa said, an amused smirk forming on his face. He felt safe in Karma's arms. "But before that, do you want a cup of tea?"

* * *

They ended up making out in Nagisa's room, tea cups abandoned and quickly cooling down. They didn't go all the way, since it wasn't like Nagisa kept protection in his room, and besides, he couldn't completely relax since he had to keep an eye on the clock. He'd told Karma to leave at 6.45 (fifteen minutes before mum came home). Karma was disappointed, but agreed.

After a while they finally stopped. It was strange to Nagisa, foreplay with no sex. But not entirely unpleasant. He sat on his bed as Karma sifted through his collection of DS games.

"This really is abysmal. You have nintendogs but don't have Mario Kart?" Karma tutted, before turning his attention to Nagisa's book collection.

"I had no idea you were such a game buff." Nagisa laughed, feeling somewhat relaxed for the first time in days. The first time since he'd last seen Karma.

"This looks like it could be full of premium blackmail material." Karma grinned as he pulled out a thick red leather-bound book ' _Memories of Kunugioaka Middle school.'_ "Is this like a yearbook for the whole of middle school? AKA the most awkward embarrassing moments of anyone's life?"

"Don't get your hopes up. I never exactly stuck out so I'm hardly in any pictures." Nagisa said warily, rolling his eyes slightly. Middle school had actually been more enjoyable than high school for him, because Kayano and Sugino were there, and his crush, Gakushuu actually noticed him and Nagisa was naive enough to hope sex would develop mutual love.

Karma placed the book down on the bed so both of them could see it. "Fortunately for me it appears someone has marked all the pages you appear in." He said with a smirk. Nagisa actually face-palmed. _When had his mother done that?_

First Karma flipped through the portrait of Nagisa for each year of middle school. "Nagisa are you really a mortal? you haven't aged since the first year of middle school." The red head said. Nagisa rolled his eyes.

"Shut up." He said, as he looked down at his awkwardly-smiling picture of his younger self. Karma was right though, the only real difference between how he looked then compared to now was that his hair was even longer now. As he was looking through his own pictures, he couldn't help but notice Gakushuu as well. He hadn't noticed at the time, but compared to how he looked now, Gakushuu looked so _young_. In the first year picture he still had round cheeks.. _and was that a gap in his teeth? He still didn't have all his adult teeth yet?_ In Nagisa's memories, Gakushuu always seemed so mature and grown up, but in hindsight. at 12 they both looked the same age.

Second year, Gakushuu looked a little paler, slightly thinner, his cheeks more hollow. But both he and the Nagisa in the picture both looked like _children._

"You said you and Gakushuu began seeing each other in second year?" Karma murmured for confirmation, his gaze directed at the pictures.

"Yeah.. Half way through the school year, during the summer. Just after I turned fourteen." Nagisa admitted thinking back to it. Karma didn't respond, but his silence spoke volumes. For the first time, Nagisa was confronted with how young he and Gakushuu had truly been when the started their relationship, and it made him uneasy. At the time, Nagisa felt fairly grown up, and Gakushuu seemed to posses all the authority of an adult. But he had been thirteen. The kids in the picture looked like they should be playing video games and having their first kisses, not having a secret friends with benefits relationship. Gakushuu had been the one who initiated it.. He was the one who knew what to do. _Where had he learned that from?_ _Why did he have such strict rules about contact?_ Suddenly, Nagisa wanted to know more than ever. Before he could voice his concerns however, Nagisa heard the sound of the key turning in the lock.

Instantly, dread filled his stomach and his heart began hammering.

"Nagisa! My boss said I wasn't 'working at my best' today so he sent me home early!- Come help me with the shopping!" His mother shouted. Oh god she was in a bad mood. In one quick move, Nagisa grabbed Karma by the arm and practically shoved him in his closet. Karma opened his mouth, but Nagisa cut him off.

"I'm sorry please be quiet!" Nagisa hissed, his hands already shaking. _Oh God! Oh God! How could this of happened!._ Nagisa quickly slammed the closet door shut and ran out his room to his mother feeling completely jittery. His heart sunk when he noticed just how enraged she was. Nothing would escape her war path and Nagisa was her favourite target.

Quickly, he took the bags out of her hand. "Your boss is an idiot, mum. I know how hard you work. He shouldn't of sent you home early. But at least.. we get to spend some more time together." Nagisa said while faking a bright smile. _Just be the perfect son._

"If even you understand then my boss should." His mother huffed, running a hand through Nagisa's hair. _Oh thank God it's working._ "You know what would cheer me up, since we do have some time together?" Nagisa's heart was already sinking. "If we played dress up again. You still have all those dresses I bought you in your closet, right? Let me go pick on out."

_Oh God! Oh God no! no! no! no! no!_

"Well.. I would love to but I actually have a lot of homework today- " Nagisa started to say, but cut himself off when he sensed the atmosphere rising in tension and his mother's expression darkening. When the slap came, he was expecting it.

"ALL I DO FOR YOU! ALL THE WORK I PUT IN TO RAISE YOU AND YOU WONT EVEN DO THE TINIEST THING FOR ME IN MY TIME OF NEED?" Mother screeched, grabbing Nagisa by the shoulders and shaking him hard. Her eyes were wide and bloodshot, spittle flew from her mouth as she spoke.

"Mother- I'm sorry- " Nagisa tried to say, but it was too late, his mother's mood was already broken. His mother let go of Nagisa's shoulders, and instead grabbed onto the sides of his head, his fingers gripping his long blue hair painfully.

"FINE! I SEE HOW YOU FEEL- YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME! YOU THINK I'D BE BETTER OFF DEAD!" Mother screamed. Nagisa felt his stomach drop, he tried to put his arms around her to comfort her.

"Mother, no- please don't- I love you. I'm sorry. SO please don't" Nagisa begged as his mother sobbed. "We can do anything you want. Anything that will make you happy- "

"OHH.. I wouldn't want you to force yourself for me! You don't have to _pretend_ to care for me" Mother said, pushing Nagisa off her so hard he hit the kitchen counter _hard._ Nagisa sunk to his knees.

"I'm sorry." He sniffed. Mother just glared at him.

"Stop acting pathetic and trying to get my sympathy- I work 60 hours a week, breaking my back to keep you fed and do I beg for sympathy?" She sneered. ' _Only all the time_ Nagisa thought.

"I'm sorry." Nagisa repeated, but it was in vain. His mother stormed out the kitchen to her room.

"Don't bother me. I'm having a nap" She hissed. Nagisa had checked her room throughout the weekend. He knew there were no pills or objects sharp enough to slit wrists, and he knew from first-hand experience his mother didn't know how to tie a noose with the curtain rope. She should be safe in there. Still shaking and dazed, Nagisa pulled himself off the floor, making his way quietly to his room. He half expected his mother to burst out and start yelling at him again any moment, but thankfully, she didn't.

Quietly, Nagisa snuck into his room, and pulled open the closet door. Karma was crouched there with a deeply concerned expression. His knuckles were white from clenching his fists. As soon as he saw Nagisa, he wordlessly pulled him into a hug.

"Th- That was just- Mother just- " Nagisa said, attempting to rationalise what Karma would of just heard.

"Don't try to explain it away. Don't try to give excuses." Karma whispered in Nagisa's ear, his voice low and serious. "Nagisa, you shouldn't have to live like this."  
At those words, the floodgates broke, and Nagisa began silently sobbing in Karma's arms.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no rest of the wicked.

_**Phantasm;** _ _**an illusory likeness of something** _

Karma glared up at the ceiling, his bed sheets clenched tightly in his fists and his teeth grinding. It was the early hours of the morning and he hadn't been able to sleep for even a moment. He was too frustrated and angry. Thoughts of earlier that day swirled around his mind endlessly, tormenting him. He was unable to forget hearing Nagisa's mother abuse him.

_"Don't try to explain it away. Don't try to give excuses." Karma whispered in Nagisa's ear, his voice low and serious. "Nagisa, you shouldn't have to live like this."_   
_At those words, the floodgates broke, and Nagisa began silently sobbing in Karma's arms. He felt so small and fragile as Karma held him, as if he could break at any moment. Nagisa's shoulder's shook as he cried, but Karma could tell he was trying to muffle any sounds._

_"-Othing you can do." Nagisa gasped out._

_"What?" Karma hissed._

_"There's nothing you can do."_

Remembering those words, Karma lifted his fist up and smashed it back down onto the mattress in sheer frustration. Just the memory of those words pierced his heart and made his blood boil. He _hated_ feeling helpless.

_"What do you mean 'nothing'?" Karma said, incredulous. "I can help you. You don't have to live like this. I wont let you. Come to my place- "_

_But Nagisa just pulled away from Karma, a look of resignation on his face. He looked up at Karma with teary eyes, they were filled with something akin to pity. "I can't, Karma." Nagisa said, sounding almost wistful. "If I left my mother like that she really would fall apart. I'd love to go stay at your place, but it isn't that simple, I can't just leave."_

_Karma stared at him in disbelief. He felt his grip on Nagisa's shoulders tighten to almost painful. "She's hurting you, Nagisa. who cares if she 'falls apart' she brought this on herself." He hissed, his voice full of spite. He couldn't bring himself to feel sympathy for that woman who was hurting Nagisa. But Nagisa just shook his head sadly._

_"I can't, Karma." He repeated sounding miserable but resigned. "I refuse to leave her, I wont be responsible for causing her that misery. You should go."_

Fuck! How could Nagisa allow himself to be treated like that? His mother was clearly keeping him emotionally hostage.. It wasn't fair. Karma pictured Nagisa in his mind's eye.. He was so fragile and innocent, but so many people took advantage of that.. Bullies at school, Gakushuu, his own mother. Nagisa didn't even seem to do anything to stop it. It was like Nagisa _couldn't_ stand up for himself. _Maybe if Nagisa can't keep himself safe, I should make sure he's safe, whether he likes it or not_ Karma thought to himself. _Nagisa was so easy to control it probably wouldn't be hard to do._ Karma visualized Nagisa sitting in a locked room with Karma, safe from the rest of the world who wanted to hurt him and take advantage. Karma let out a hollow laugh _I really am sick, aren't I?_

* * *

 _Nagisa Shiota is replaceable_ Asano told himself for what felt like the hundredth time since Nagisa had broke it off with him. Finding another person to sleep with had been easy; Asano had people fawn after him for as long as he could remember, he just had to pick someone he trusted to keep their mouth shut. Kaho was an obvious choice, since her reputation would be shattered more than Asano's if it was revealed she was cheating on her boyfriend Seo. She might seem like an airhead, but she was smarter than she looked, and sly too. It helped that she was beautiful too.

 _But for some reason it's not the same. Being with Nagisa was just better_ Asano admitted to himself. He was currently sat at his desk attempting to do work, but these types of thoughts kept creeping into his mind. Trying to banish them was useless, they kept coming back. _Why wasn't being with Kaho as good as Nagisa? They perform the same function. I find Kaho attractive, so why is it not the same?_ Asano bit his lip in annoyance. It was frustrating to think that he had any sort of real attachment to Nagisa, it made him feel weak and needy, as if he'd lost somehow. Nagisa was _supposed_ to just be like an object for him to use at his convenience.

 _You shouldn't use people as commodities, Gakushuu_ Nagisa's voice echoed in his mind.

 _Don't use people as commodities? that's all I seem to get used as. It's the way the world works, the sooner you realise that they quicker you can adapt to it._ Asano retorted, even though he knew he was only replying to his own thoughts. Damnit. He really was going crazy if he was arguing with himself now.. He tried to push Nagisa as far out from his mind as possible..

 _Nagisa's probably with Karma right now. He really does have a terrible choice in men. First me, now a future prison inmate._ Gakushuu let out a sly chuckle, despite himself. He had to admit, as much he was a violent delinquent, Karma could probably offer Nagisa a more mutual caring relationship than Asano was ever capable of. Asano thought back to Nagisa's words _I don't think I've ever seen you happy. I don't think you're capable of it,_ he was probably right, Asano thought, I may be a brilliant genius but I'm filled with pure poison that will suck the light out of anybody.

The good part of Asano wanted Nagisa and Karma to be happy together, but the spiteful part wished they ended up just as miserable as he felt.. Whatever. They didn't matter, Asano tried to assure himself, he just had to get used to Kaho, and if she didn't work, he'd find someone else. He could have his own harem if he wanted! He'd use as many people as he needed until he felt like he had control again.

* * *

Nagisa felt wracked with guilt. In many ways, this was nothing new to him, it admittedly didn't take a lot to make Nagisa feel guilty but tonight he felt especially bad, for multiple reasons. Firstly, for his mother. Even though he knew she was manipulative and demanding, he still felt guilty for disobeying her and seeing Karma, then managing to upset her again. He knew she was irrational and unfair but that didn't stop the guilt from seeping in.

Secondly, he felt guilty about Karma. Karma had enough going on in his own life without worrying about Nagisa as well, but now because he knows what Hiromi is like he feels responsible for protecting Nagisa. _It's not fair I got him into that position._ Nagisa thought to himself. Karma had already earned himself a suspension trying to protect Nagisa, and now Nagisa was leading him to further trouble? It didn't seem fair. Nagisa felt as if he was a leech, just taking and taking from Karma.. _If I wasn't so selfish I'd just break it off with him and set him free._

Finally, Nagisa felt guilty about Gakushuu. He wasn't sure why exactly but the image of the Gakushuu from middle school was imprinted in his mind. In the darkness of his bedroom, Nagisa felt as if he could see those haunting violet eyes staring at him accusingly. _I always did whatever you told me to do? What did I do wrong?_ Nagisa wondered desperately. Of course, the Gakushuu in his mind didn't have an answer for him.

Finally, Nagisa fell into an uneasy sleep. Images of his mother, Karma and Nagisa plagued his dreams, all glaring at him with accusing eyes and speaking at him with acid tongues.

_"Nagisa I do everything for you, but you still disappoint me!" His mother screamed, pulling at her hair, her eyes wide_

_"All you do is get me into trouble. Why can't you protect yourself so I don't have to!" Karma hissed. He was wearing his school uniform, but it was ripped and covered in a red liquid; blood. "You're ruining my life."_

_"Why didn't you ever help me?" The Gakushuu from four years ago demanded. He was wearing his middle school uniform, but it looked uncomfortably tight. "You ignored all the warning signs just because you were so happy to have the chance to sleep with me, didn't you?"_

_"No- I- I'm sorry." Nagisa gasped out, his nightmares feeling far too close to reality._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, re-reading the original story, I think this was my least favourite chapter tbh. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, so I decided to DREAM SEQUENCE, so to make up for that, I'm updating with two chapters at a time lol.   
> Anyway, thanks for the reviews on the last chapte!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If anybody has already read this story, then they'll know this is were things start to get worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I published this and the previous chapter together, because I never like the previous chapter much. I hope you like this one better!

_**Dramatic Irony: A**_ _**literary technique, originally used in Greek tragedy, by which the full significance of a character's words or actions is clear to the audience or reader although unknown to the character.**_

* * *

To say Nagisa felt like shit was an understatement. It was likely a combination of all the stress from the past few days and his lack of sleep but he'd woken up feeling like he'd been run over by a train. Whenever he was ill, his mother would take the day off work and spend every minute looking after him; It sounded nice, but in truth, Nagisa found it suffocating to be around a woman who got set off by the tiniest thing all day.

Perhaps because of that reason, Nagisa had attempted to ignore how ill he felt and trek into school, only to be sent home before first period had even finished _I must be look ill if even the notoriously harsh Ono-Sensei can see it._ His body feeling as heavy as lead, Nagisa dragged himself through the school corridors towards the exit, on his way he sent a quick text to Karma.

**_Just got sent home from school for being too sick. Feel like I've caught the plague!_ **

Nagisa was trying to keep things as normal as possible with Karma since yesterday, but it wasn't easy pretending like nothing was wrong. Nagisa still cringed remembering how he'd sobbed in Karma's arms, how angry Karma had looked and how frustrated he had been when Nagisa had refused his offer of help. _Oh Karma, I'd love to go stay with you and escape my problems, but I just can't._ Nagisa felt another twinge of guilt... He was making Karma feel responsible for him, it just wasn't fair...

_Maybe It'd be better for Karma if I set him free from me. But I'm too selfish.. I don't want to._

Nagisa was dragged out of his thoughts when he suddenly felt himself bump into something or rather, _someone._ He gasped, surprised and embarrassed.

"S- Sorry!" He said before looking up and seeing exactly who it was that he'd bumped into. Gakushuu Asano looked down at him with unimpressed violet eyes. Of course. Fate hated him.

"Nagisa. You're truanting now?" Gakushuu said with a hint of disdain in his voice. As always, he managed to sound like a kind addressing his lowly subject. A couple of days ago it would of ticked Nagisa off, but now it just made him wonder why Gakushuu felt the need to act so superior all the time.

"No. I've been sent home because I'm ill. What's your excuse for being out of class." Nagisa replied, his voice calm and neutral. Of course, he had no doubt that Asano's reason for being out of class wasn't breaking the rules. Nagisa doubted Asano would ever break the rules ( _..Well.. maybe except for the 'no sex in school' rule. Actually that was a pretty important one_ ).

"I do hope you aren't contagious. My 'excuse' for being out of class is that I already know today's history lesson so the teacher sent me off for private study." Gakushuu said with a sort of casual confidence, as if that type of thing was normal for him (it probably was). Right now, he looked very different from the Gakushuu who had been haunting Nagisa's dreams last night. There was nothing sad or desperate about those eyes right now.

"I was wondering." Nagisa started to say, the words falling off the tip of his tongue before he could stop himself. "Why me? Four years ago, why did you choose to sleep with me?"

Gakushuu's eyes widened, shocked by the sudden personal question. He quickly regained his composure however. "I'm not talking about _this_ now." He hissed, his eyes darting around to see if anyone was listening, but the corridor was completely empty. Unless someone was hiding around the corner for some reason, they were completely out of earshot of anybody.

"You're a genius, aren't you, Gakushuu? You can answer this simple question for me." Nagisa insisted, his blue eyes meeting Gakushuu's. He was sure his current lack of sleep and sickness was making him slightly less inhibited.

"Ever since Akabane arrived you've become so much more irritating!" Gakushuu snapped, still refusing to answer the question. Nagisa expected him to storm away, but for whatever reason he was staying- maybe he was interested in hearing what Nagisa had to say.

"I think I know why you choose me- It was because I was convenient for you. Because being in control of me makes you feel more powerful, doesn't it? Why is that?" Nagisa accused. Once again, Gakushuu's eyes widened and he had that shocked expression on his face. Nagisa almost felt satisfied for getting Asano to break his composure so quickly. Part of him felt like saying these things was a bad idea and a good way to get punched again, but all his thoughts and questions from last night were just spilling out.

"Stop being ridiculous- _Here_ is not the right place to talk about this!" Gakushuu said defensively. He had his arms out in front of him and looked as if he were fighting the urge to clamp a hand over Nagisa's mouth. Nagisa let out an almost desperate sounding laugh.

"Then when _is_ the right time? I've had these questions for years now; Was _I_ the first person you slept with? Why do you have such strict rules about touch?.. You're such a headfuck, Gakushuu Asano." Nagisa said. It felt like word vomit, it all just came out as soon as he thought it. ' _Headfuck_ ' was definitely a word he'd learned from Karma.

"You clearly aren't in a right state of mind. Just go home, Nagisa, stop embarrassing yourself." Gakushuu said through gritted teeth. Nagisa couldn't tell if he looked more angry, upset or.. nervous? Gakushuu grabbed Nagisa's shoulder's and began forcibly walking him down the corridor. "Just go home."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." Nagisa said, almost tripping over his own feet as he was pushed down the corridor. "I'm not _trying_ to piss you off. I'm trying to help you. I just don't know how."

"I don't need your help. You can't even look after yourself." Gakushuu said harshly, as he continued to walk behind Nagisa, his hands on his shoulders. Nagisa wanted to talk to him face-to-face, so he turned around only to trip over his own feet and fall into Gakushuu. Taken by surprise, Gakushuu only just managed to grab Nagisa by his forearms before he fell.

"I'm sorry." Nagisa repeated, his vision blurring ( _I really am sick._.). Gakushuu opened his mouth to retort (Probably to tell Nagisa off.) But before he could do so, the two were interrupted by the sound of footsteps down the corridor. They both turned to see the Chairman standing before them.

"Well, well boys. What's going on here?" The Chairman said, a wide smile on his face. Nagisa actually gasped out loud. The Chairman was a tall well-built man anyway, but something about his presence made him seem extra massive, like a shadow looming over you. Even though he was smiling, there was still something terrifying about his expression. There was something sinister and unreadable about him. Nagisa felt Asano tense as soon as he saw his father. Suddenly his jaw was tight and his grip on Nagisa's forearms was like a vice. Then a second later, Asano let go of Nagisa and stood up straight.

"Shiota is ill and has been sent home from class. I was assisting him, sir. As student council president I have a duty to look after fellow students." Gakushuu said, his voice almost robotic. Nagisa just nodded, not trusting himself to say too much in his current state. The last thing he wanted was to make trouble in front of the chairman himself.

"How altruistic of you, Asano." The Chairman said, sounding anything but sincere. This was the first time that Nagisa had seen the two actually interact, he realised with a jolt of surprise. The two didn't even seem like father and son, however. There was a tangible coldness between them.

Nagisa jumped when he felt the Chairman suddenly place a large hand on his shoulder. Gakushuu too suddenly tensed and narrowed his eyes at his father as soon as he made contact with Nagisa- Gakushuu looked like he wanted to tear his father's hand off his wrist for touching Nagisa. Nagisa himself could feel the tension, but was also slightly confused.. Gakushuu didn't talk about his father, _what sort of relationship did they have?_

The Chairman smiled at Asano, looking almost mocking, before picking Nagisa's bag off his shoulder by the strap. "This is heavy for someone who's ill to carry." The Chairman said, before starting walking. "Come along, Shiota, I'll walk you to the gates. You can get the bus from there?"

"Oh- Thank you, sir." Nagisa said bashfully, feeling almost suffocated by this atmosphere. He started walking to catch up to the Chairman _This man is terrifying! I don't want to have to walk with him.. But I've got no good reason to refuse._ To his surprise, Gakushuu started walking by his side, glaring ahead and refusing to make eye contact.

"There's no need to worry, Asano. I'm escorting Nagisa to the school gate now. You can go back to your lesson." The Chairman said as he continued to walk, Nagisa's bag in his hands.

"As student council president I am obligated to help students personally." Gakushuu replied. Even with Asano's convincing tone, it still seemed like a lousy excuse. Nagisa was confused; _Why was Gakushuu going to such lengths to stick by him now, when a few seconds ago he seemed as if he wanted nothing more than to leave him?_ The Chairman laughed.

"You're being oddly stubborn about this. One might almost think you didn't want to leave Shiota alone with me." The Chairman said, his tone light and teasing. Gakushuu didn't answer. Taking time out of his busy scheduled to help one sick student to the gate seemed somehow out of character for the Chairman, and Nagisa had a feeling he was only doing it as some sort of way to get under Gakushuu's skin. _But that would be absurd, wouldn't it?_

The walk from Nagisa's classroom to the school gate had never felt so long and silent in his life. The tense atmosphere from walking with both Asanos was stifling and every second felt like torture. _I can't stand this! It's so awful! Just let me get to the gate right now!_ Nagisa felt he was caught in the crossfires of war he didn't understand. He just kept his eyes trained to the ground to avoid making eye contact with either of them.

Just as they reached the main entrance, Nagisa heard the sound of something hitting the ground. When he looked up, he saw Gakushuu picking himself up of the floor, his father stood over him. _Had Gakushuu fell? Or had the Chairman pushed him over when Nagisa wasn't looking?.. But that's crazy, isn't it? He wouldn't do that._

"You need to pay more attention to your surroundings. You can be so clumsy sometimes." The Chairman practically taunted. He offered Gakushuu a hand, but his son ignored it as he stood up. Gakushuu's face burned red and he glared at the floor. Nagisa had never seen him act like this before.. Gakushuu seemed so passive and subdued. Nagisa felt a chill run down his spine when he caught the look of amusement in the Chairman's eyes.

"I'll be more careful." Gakushuu mumbled in reply, turning his head to avoid eye contact with Nagisa, who was now staring at him. If looked as if Gakushuu found this whole situation as unpleasant as Nagisa did, but he was still choosing to stay rather than leave. The three set off walking again as if nothing happened. This time however, Nagisa didn't look at the ground, he kept his eyes fixed on Asano and his father.. he had a feeling that if he looked away for even a second something would happen again.

When they _finally_ reached the gate, the Chairman handed Nagisa his bag back with a large smile. "Please go straight home and straight to bed." He said, sounding almost caring. Nagisa nodded.

"Thank you for your help, both of you." Nagisa said. He was taken by surprise once again when the Chairman pressed a hand against his forehead suddenly. Nagisa instinctively backed away so quickly that he hit the gate behind him. Gakushuu, who was hovering nearby too a step forward, looking as if he wanted to rip his father's hand away from Nagisa's face. The look in his eyes was one of restrained rage.

"You really do have a fever." The Chairman said, pretending to be oblivious the reaction of his two students. "You take it easy now. You want to be at your peak for upcoming exams."

"-Right thank you." Nagisa said, practically running out of the gate, feeling a rush of relief to be free from Asano's father. _He had been in school for less than an hour and it had been completely wild!_ He glanced back to see the two Asano's walking back towards the school together. For some reason he wasn't sure of, Nagisa felt oddly guilty for leaving Gakushuu alone with his father.

Nagisa felt his phone buzz. A text from Karma. He checked it;

_**Come over to my place. I kno how to make chicken soup. I'll look after you ;)** _

Nagisa read it, feeling a sense of warmth as he thought of Karma. After the awful morning he'd had so far being with Karma sounded like bliss. Plus, that whole weird interaction he'd had with both Asano and his father had left him with a bad taste in his mouth.. he wanted to get someone elses opinion on it. Part of him felt like he shouldn't go to Karma's.. He didn't want to risk his mother's wrath again and he felt wrong for relying on Karma even more. But he also didn't want to spend the rest of the day ill and alone with his thoughts, feeling a little impulsive, Nagisa text back

_**On my way.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've not come back to this part of the story in a while, so it's interesting re-reading it and being like, oh yeah, this is were things take a turn for the even worse.  
> Please review and let me know what you think!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gakushuu realises he's made a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up changing the title and descrption. This is the third title I've come up with for this story, I just can't settle on one!  
> I changed the description because I've been using the same one I used on ff.net, but I realized that I have unlimited wordcount on AO3 so I can expand description a little more:)

As soon as Gakushuu walked through the main entrance of the school he was ready to head off into the exact opposite direction to his father without sparing the man a second glance. But of course, it wasn't that simple. As soon as he attempted to speed off, his father grabbed him by the back of his collar, pulling him back firmly, that infuriating smile on his face. Gakushuu was left with the uncomfortable feeling of being an insect under a magnifying glass, at the mercy of a particularly sadistic human.

"Why in such a hurry, Asano?" The Chairman asked, still not letting go of his son's collar. Gakushuu felt his heart pound in his chest and his hands shake ever so slightly. The burn mark on his chest from last time seemed to radiate heat. He tired to force himself to be calm _You are in public, he can't do anything to you here.._ Or at least, that's what Gakushuu had initially thought, but the Chairman apparently had no problem pushing him to the floor even when Nagisa Shiota was mere inches away. _Nagisa.._ Asano thought that he knew the boy well, but in their last few interactions he'd become so assertive. _Was this Akabane's doing?_

"I'm busy. I'm sure you are too, sir. Please excuse me." Gakushuu retorted. The grip on the back of his collar made it so he couldn't turn to face his father, but that suited Gakushuu just fine. He'd rather look at the wall as he talked anyway. It was less pressure. The Chairman didn't let him go however, instead the man just lent down and hissed into Asano's ear.

"Nagisa Shiota is an interesting choice. It's not what I would of expected from you." He said. His voice was low and dangerous, it sent a shiver down Asano's spine. He was once again greatfull he was looking at the wall, if he'd been looking at his father he wasn't sure he'd manage to disguise the horror on his face.

"I'm not entirely sure what you're implying." Asano said, staring straight ahead. The feeling of dread was beginning to intensify. It was taking every morsel of self control not to fall apart right now _No! His father couldn't know! He couldn't!_

"Whenever I touched Shiota you looked as though you wanted to bite my head off, you wouldn't even let me be alone with him. I thought I knew you well, but I never thought you were the jealous type. But then, it turns out there's a lot of things I don't know about you, isn't there?" The Chairman hissed, he sounded like he was struggling to keep his voice quiet. It seemed as if rage he'd been keeping buried down was exploding outwards. Gakushuu cursed himself _Why did I have to make it so obvious? I should of just left Nagisa alone with him. Why am I so goddamn protective over him? I don't even really care about Nagisa, right?_ The Chairman pulled Gakushuu around forcing their eyes to meet so it was clear just how livid the Chairman truly was. "I heard everything. Four years? _Four years_ you've been sleeping with that boy and you somehow managed to keep it hidden from me?"

_Oh God. He must of been around the corner when Nagisa and he had been speaking! No.. this can't happen!_

"I've never once slept with Nagisa! He was out of his mind with a fever. He was talking nonsense- " Gakushuu tried to explain, but before he could even finish he felt large hands wrap tightly around his neck and slam him harshly into the wall. Instinctively, Asano grabbed at the other in an attempt to free himself, but it was to no avail. His eyes darted from side to side. They were stood right by the main entrance. There was a classroom door a few feet away. Someone could walk by them at any second. His father really must be angry if he was being this reckless.

"You are _terrible_ at lying. Yet you still managed to sneak around behind my back for four years. What else aren't you telling me? How many other people have you slept with?" The Chairman said, his grip on Asano's neck tightening painfully. Asano truly began to panic when he realised he couldn't breath. He couldn't even speak to make up excuses. "You belong to me. I created you! I taught you everything you know! You have no right to whore yourself out to anyone else without my permission."

Gakushuu began to feel dizzy as he was deprived of oxygen, he tried to speak but all that came out was choking noises. His father viewed him as property and reveled in the complete control he had over Gakushuu's life. The Chairman was _always_ stronger, _always_ smarter, _always_ one step ahead. Realizing that Gakushuu had managed to pull the wool over his eyes and sneak around his back for years was likely a huge blow not only to his pride, but to his whole world view. The Chairman was humiliated and that transformed into pure rage. His violet eyes were like that of a demon's, they seemed blank of consciousness somehow as if he'd completely lost himself to anger and almost wasn't aware of his actions. At this point, Gakushuu was clawing hard enough at his father's hands to draw blood, but the man didn't even seem to notice

For a moment, Gakushuu's vision blacked out and he had a horrifying feeling that he was actually going to die right there in the school corridor by his own father's hands. Then he felt the hands drop from his neck. Gakushuu's knee's buckled as he slid down against the wall massaging his neck and greedily sucking in oxygen. His eyes watering, Gakushuu looked up at the Chairman. The man's red hot rage was gone, replaced with cold unfeeling icy eyes looking down on him as if he were dirt.

"I will make you regret your actions." The Chairman said simply. It wasn't so much a threat as a promise. With that, he turned and walked the other way as if he hadn't just chocked a student out right in the middle of school. Gakushuu had no choice but to watch him go, a feeling of pure fear encasing him.

* * *

"You look like shit." Karma said, simply as soon as he opened the door and saw Nagisa stood there. The other gave a sardonic grin.

"Thanks." He replied. He felt like shit. Nagisa's whole body ached, and his head pounded, he felt shivery and sweaty at the same time and he was sure he was burning up with a fever. His mind felt slightly frazzled and it was hard to think straight, but what he _did_ know was that the sight of Karma looking at him with a barely concealed expression of concern made him feel instantly better.

"Come on, before you collapse on my doorstep." Karma said, putting a supportive arm around Nagisa's shoulder and leading him into the house. Maybe it was just because of how hard it was to think, but in that moment Nagisa found it easy to forget about what had happened between him and Karma the day before.. It was easy to forget his guilt and pretend things weren't really as complicated as they were. In that moment there was only he and Karma.

The many exotic decorations and ornaments that lined the walls were almost disorientation to Nagisa as he passed them, seeing only a blur of texture and colours. He was on auto-pilot as he followed Karma up the now familiar wooden stairs and down the red-carpet corridor into the bedroom. Karma only had to push Nagisa lightly for him to fall back into the double bed. It felt so good just to lie his aching body down.

"Now get some rest." Karma commanded, with a softness in his eyes as he pulled the blanket over the other. Nagisa looked up at him.

"You are too good for me." He blurted out, without even thinking about it. Like earlier in the day with Gakushuu, Nagisa felt as though he'd lost his filter.

"I'm just letting you use my bed, I hardly saved your life or anything. It's not a big deal." Karma said, raising an eyebrow. He was trying to seem casual, but even in his current state Nagisa could tell that comment had made him a little bashful.

"I think you might actually care about me. You aren't just using me." Nagisa said, his thoughts almost automatically becoming words. Karma sat on the edge of the bed, a slight frown on his face.

"You _think_? I'm not Gakushuu, Nagisa." Karma said. Karma wasn't the type of person who could easily say words like 'I care about you' out loud, but he thought his actions had conveyed it.. _But two of the most 'important' relationships in his life have been with two people who just want to use and control him. Of course he's got trust issues_ Karma realised.. Between his mother and Gakushuu Nagisa had very little chance of experiencing a healthy relationship in anyway.

"That's why you're too good for me. I'll just drag you down- I've already gotten you in trouble- I- " Nagisa babbled. He was cut off when Karma put a gentle yet stern finger to his lips, silencing him. Nagisa's eyes widened in surprise, Karma lay down so his head was next to Nagisa's on the pillow.

"It's my choice, I'm _choosing_ to care about you, so it's not your fault. I'm a big boy, Nagisa, I can handle it." Karma said, wrapping his arms around the other. Nagisa felt heat rush to his cheeks, but this time it wasn't from the fever.

"Your going to catch my illness." Nagisa warned, ducking his head down into the covers. It was strange that he had been sexually active for years, but shows of tender affection like this still managed to make him blush.

"My choice." Karma said inn a sing-song voice. Nagisa chuckled despite himself. This situation felt symbolic of their relationship somehow.

"For a smart person you can be an idiot" Nagisa said,already feeling himself drifting off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be some dark themes in this story but I don't want it to be completely depressing. Trigger warning for the things mentioned in the tags. Comment what you think so far!


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